Cut Down (working title)

Another seed of an idea

     Look to the sad little boy in the corner of a small, dark room. His tired and troubled gaze fixed on the floor, so close to breaking. By himself but never alone, his head swims with a thousand ghosts. The Verse-chorus-verse of mockery, abandonment, abuse. Tick-tock, the hands of the clock. Seasons change inside his mind. The icy November storm clouds are just overhead and as they swell to they swell to their bursting point, the last soft light of childhood leaves his eyes. 

     He cries tears of lead and his sobs boom like thunder. The strong and the proud scatter before the swell. 

Author's Note

I had a much more fleshed out version that was lost on another computer.

Reviews

[Tina Louise UK]

You have a way of writing that really pulls at the heart string, very moving piece x

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The icy November storm clouds are just overhead and as they swell to they swell to their bursting point, the last soft light of childhood leaves his eyes.
----
The icy November storm clouds are just overhead and as they swell do they swell to their bursting point, the last soft light of childhood leaves his eyes.
---
I believe you want "do" instead of "to" there...
the beginning got my attention ---
and the rest goes about the event...
you give the reader a visual...
yet not enough of what the abandonment...
is about in the lines...
the question --- is where does he go from here...
the emotional thoughts are quite pronounced...
unless that was the view point is to lure the reader...
and come up with his/her own answers as to why...
Just my two cents worth here...
but I'm sure there was more to this in the other computer...

[Christopher Norton]

Iaccidentally typed "they swell to" over again. Not intentional. There is an answer and a finality there. I didn't think it was so subtle. The last line should give it away.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Its been some time since reading this one...I read again...and the last line does give the reader that finale...now that I looked at it...in depth and how the words are conveyed...

[Christopher Norton]

As I said.... just a seed. Where does this go? Any ideas? What does it say to you? I'm not sbtle and the allegory should be apparent. Too thin?