Strangers When We Meet

In another late night of sheer boredom, two complete strangers log in on Omegle. Who would have thought a random chat could turn into something so real? Maybe too real. M/M

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!    

Stranger: Are you spaghetti cuz I want you to meat my balls

You: Wow.

Stranger: just breaking the ice ;) who's there?

You: You just fell in.

Stranger: LOL

Stranger: guy or girl?

You: Which would you prefer?

Stranger: i have no preferences

You: Then I am neither.

Stranger: hot

Stranger: what's ur name genderless u

You: U.

Stranger: huh

You: My parents are a******s.

Stranger: Most are

Stranger: bored?

You: Oh no, I'm here because I have lots of things I'm doing right now.

You: Busy, busy.

Stranger: ohhh, what are u doing? ;)

Stranger: wait

Stranger: nevermind

Stranger: wanna hear a joke?

You: Sure.

Stranger: knock knock

You: Who's there?

Stranger: a broken pencil

You: …

Stranger: no dude you have to ask

Stranger: or girl

You: A broken pencil who?

Stranger: nevermind

Stranger: it's pointless

Stranger: get it?

You: No :(

You: Please explain it to me.

Stranger: a broken pencil doesn't have a point

You: You don't know that.

You: Maybe it's broken in the middle.

You: Maybe the eraser broke off.

Stranger: okay wanna hear a joke?

You: Definitely.

Stranger: knock knock

You: Who's there?

Stranger: a pencil with a broken point

You: A pencil with a broken point who?

Stranger: nevermind, it's pointless

You: LOOOOOOL

Stranger: do I get a kiss?

Stranger: :D

You: I don't know, is your dog there?

Stranger: I don't have a dog

Stranger: it's a sore subject for me

You: Then no.

Stranger: I lied

You: The pencil has a point?

Stranger: I have a dog

You: Then I'm sure he or she will kiss you.

Stranger: LOL

Stranger: you're such a dick

You: Or a b***h.

Stranger: i love it

You: Someone has to, I guess.

Stranger: aw

Stranger: now you're adorable

You: I was calling you crazy.

Stranger: do i have to guess or are you like a transexual?

You: No.

Stranger: you're back to being a dick

You: Or a b***h.

Stranger: do i have to guess or nooot

You: Knock yourself out.

You: Please.

Stranger: LOL

Stranger: do you wear pants

You: Yes.

Stranger: all the time?

You: No.

Stranger: do you not wear them all the time cuz sometimes youre naked?

You: Yes and no.

Stranger: that's just mean

You: Good.                        

Stranger: i demand more information

You: Okay.                        

Stranger: that's a no?

You: I was acknowledging your demand.

You: What now?

Stranger: do you wear skirts

You: No.                        

Stranger: is that because you're a femenist

You: No.

Stranger: so your a guy

You: Apparently.

Stranger: awesome

You: So are you.

Stranger: about time you realized

You: I knew it as soon as you didn't offer me your tits.

Stranger: thats cuz i don't have any

You: That's my point.

Stranger: LOL so u don't like girls

You: I think it's "u doesn't like girls", but it's weird that you refer to me in the third person.

Stranger: i'm lost

You: That's okay.

Stranger: why does U not like girls?

Stranger: (see, i'm really not)

You: Why would U like girls?

You: (*applause*)

Stranger: cuz they're hot

Stranger: ( :D )

You: So is a fried egg.

Stranger: LOL

Stranger: good point

Stranger: how old are u?

You: Said no one to the broken pencil.

Stranger: LOL

Stranger: aw

Stranger: that's a better joke

You: You're welcome.

Stranger: so you're really private huh?

You: Yes.

You: Why, would you like me to try having a conversation?

Stranger: maybe

Stranger: this is fun too

You: Because it doesn't really matter, does it?

Stranger: what doesnt matter

You: Whether I'm a guy or girl, 16 or 40, from Atlanta or f*****g Tokyo.

Stranger: why not

Stranger: you a killer?

You: Of course.

Stranger: thats awesome

You: Psycho killer.

Stranger: (french i don't know)

Stranger: fa fa fa fa fa fa far better

Stranger: how many people did u kill

You: Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Stranger: YES

Stranger: lets be best friends

You: Okay.

Stranger: so now i need to know ur name

You: U.

Stranger: best friends know that stuff

You: If you can guess the letter in five tries, I'll tell you my name.

Stranger: the letter?

Stranger: like your initials?

You: Yes.

Stranger: U? :P

You: Yeah, my name is Umbrella.

Stranger: LOL

You: Ella ella.

You: Eh eh.

Stranger: i love u, U

You: Merci beaucoup, Stranger.

Stranger: youre so hot

Stranger: okay

Stranger: uh…

Stranger: D?

You: Yes, my name is Dartboard.

You: Bulls-eye.

Stranger: this is my favorite game ever

Stranger: X?

You: Obviously it's Xylophone.

You: And you can play me all day.

You: Until someone takes away your sticks.

Stranger: you know i was gonna say i expected more of you but thats just awesome

Stranger: my stick stays with me dont worry

Stranger: J?

You: Why? Would you have preferred Xylocarp?

Stranger: no idea what the f**k that is

You: Then I could have told you to eat me.

You: Because it's a fruit.

Stranger: hottt

Stranger: not J either?

You: Yes.

Stranger: REALLY?

You: Jack.

Stranger: oh f**k

Stranger: i love that

Stranger: ill call u Jackie

You: F**k.

You: Of course you will.

Stranger: u knew what you were getting into didn't u

You: I was expecting some kind of innuendo.

Stranger: jack off is way too easy

Stranger: im smarter than that

You: …

Stranger: thats why i'll be a scientist

You: Do scientists need to know grammar?

You: Because if they do, you're fucked.

Stranger: we can change the parameters of the world so we wont need grammar

You: Haven't we already?

You: wut ru up 2 bae?

Stranger: hey

You: Hi.

Stranger: i'm good enough

Stranger: english isnt my first language

You: It's your third.

You: (your first language)

You: bullshit text speak

Stranger: u British?

You: That's you.

Stranger: i ain't british

You: Neither am I.

Stranger: American?

You: Very likely.

Stranger: can you do an accent though

You: Several.

Stranger: ohhh

Stranger: like?

You: Like more than two.

Stranger: which two

You: What would you like?

Stranger: French

You: Oui. Parfait.

Stranger: now i really want to show u my tits

You: That's okay, you can keep them.

Stranger: aw

Stranger: how do u say heartbroken in French

You: Navré. I found the accent just to make you heureux.

Stranger: i have no idea what that means but i forgive u

Stranger: you into guys?

You: What?

Stranger: do u like guys?

Stranger: cuz u don't like girls

You: I find myself attracted to goats, actually.

You: Is that strange?

Stranger: better than dogs

Stranger: so u kill people so u can f**k their goats?

Stranger: do u live like in a field?

You: Yes.

You: You pick which one.

Stranger: i'll go with both

Stranger: where else are there goats

Stranger: Jackie

Stranger: don't ignore me

Stranger: we best friends

You: There are goats in the mountains, you spaz.

Stranger: I'm Navre

You: I was getting myself some more food.

Stranger: oh good

Stranger: so u live in the mountains

You: No.

Stranger: what are u eating

You: Macaroni and cheese.

Stranger: u totally American

Stranger: do u like guns?

You: Yes.

Stranger: me too

You: I like shooting them, too.

Stranger: more than people?

You: Always.

Stranger: do u like shooting guns more than shooting people

You: How does a person even come up with that question?

Stranger: its confidential

Stranger: yes or no

You: Who the f**k shoots AT guns?

You: Or...uses a trebuchet to launch people, I guess.

Stranger: many people from other centuries

You: Such as the French?

Stranger: god I love how u talk

Stranger: yes

Stranger: say trebuchet again

You: …

You: …

You: …

You: trebuchet

Stranger: niiice

Stranger: do u have any siblings?

You: No.

Stranger: i have 6

You: Catholic?

You: Farmers?

You: Asian?

Stranger: communist

Stranger: not me

Stranger: my parents

Stranger: guess the country

You: For real, or just Russian?

You: Or Chinese, I suppose.

Stranger: choose one

You: Russian.

Stranger: you're good

You: You pluralize words too often to be Chinese.

Stranger: obviously

Stranger: u met many Chinese people?

Stranger: fucked many Chinese goats?

You: No.

You: See, I was going to say something somewhat engaging.

You: And then you decided to do that.

You: So that's been canceled.

Stranger: oh no

Stranger: im gonna have to kill myself

You: Well, that was a short-lived best friendship.

You: I'll have to cancel my order of necklaces from Amazon.

Stranger: thats adorable

Stranger: will u bring me flowers?

You: You'll be dead, so no.

Stranger: why not?

Stranger: dead people get flowers

You: Wrong.

You: Scientist.

You: Living people get flowers that they have to throw away after the funeral.

Stranger: have u ever been to a funeral, mountain boy

You: Yes.

Stranger: sorry for your loss

You: Wasn't my loss.

Stranger: sorry for the goat's loss

You: And I'm not a mountain boy.

Stranger: farm boy?

You: Yes.

Stranger: do u have a job there?

You: Yes.

Stranger: and wear lumberjack shirts?

You: Sometimes.

Stranger: love it

You: Of course you do.

Stranger: where are u right now?

You: On Omegle.

Stranger: in reality

You: Typing on a keyboard.

Stranger: are u home

You: Yes.

Stranger: alone?

Stranger: or with your goat

You: See again, I was going to actually share information.

Stranger: Aw f**k

Stranger: i would kill myself but I did it already

Stranger: tell me?

You: I'm alone, yes.

Stranger: thats all?

You: I'm in my room.

You: Sitting at my desk.

You: There's a bowl of mac and cheese next to me.

You: And a lamp is on.

Stranger: just one?

You: Just one.

You: A dim one.

Stranger: hot

Stranger: so if u won't tell me where you're from I guess the odds of y sending a picture are jackshit

Stranger: Jackie

Stranger: haha

You: Slimmer than that, I'd say.

Stranger: are u really ugly?

You: Absolutely, why else would I have a dim lamp?

Stranger: cuz you're too hot to handle?

You: Or f**k ugly.

Stranger: how does a farm boy get to know French, Jackie

You: From going to school, Stranger.

Stranger: my school doesn't teach French

Stranger: probably cuz I'm poor lol

You: Mon école ne.

Stranger: mhmm
Stranger: whatever that is, totally, keep it coming

Stranger: if you're f**k ugly

Stranger: how come chicks offered u their tits

You: Oh weird, I forgot they can see me.

You: And totally know the difference.

Stranger: LOL a*****e

Stranger: do u have a camera?

You: Yes.

Stranger: what do I gotta do so you'll turn it on?

You: Not going to.

Stranger: hypothetically

You: Hypothetically I wont.

Stranger: in another universe

You: That universe doesn't have cameras.

Stranger: OMG

Stranger: Jackie

You: Stranger

Stranger: you just forgot the ' in won't

You: Well, death before dishonor.

You: Peace out, Stranger.

Stranger: f**k no

Stranger: don't do it

Stranger: i don't have money for flowers

You: That's okay.

Stranger: but your goat will miss u

Stranger: do u have a girlfriend?

You: Go f**k a cheese grater.

Stranger: i tried

Stranger: hurts

You: You had to try to realize this?

You: The scientific community is crying as they wait for you.

Stranger: are u avoiding the question?

You: I thought I had a goat.

Stranger: you're cheating on girlfriend goat?

You: With whom would I be cheating on dear Lola?

Stranger: with me

You: We're just friends, Stranger.

You: I thought you knew that.

Stranger: we're best friends, Jackie

You: So clearly you're f*****g me?

Stranger: not yet

You: Let me know when so I can mark it on my calendar.

Stranger: i will ;)

Stranger: u know

Stranger: I'm hurt kinda

You: Take an Aleve.

You: All day strong. All day long.

Stranger: I can't afford it

Stranger: u didn't ask my name, Jackie

You: I did not, Stranger.

Stranger: u don't care about your best friend?

You: I figured if you were proud of it, you'd be telling me in all caps.

You: So I know which name to scream, obviously.

Stranger: good point

You: Said no one to the broken pencil.

Stranger: LOOOL

Stranger: what makes u horny, Jackie

You: Having horns would do it.

Stranger: besides goats

Stranger: what else?

You: I can't imagine any other way to become horny.

Stranger: what if I make the sound of a goat

You: Try it.

Stranger: give me a second

Stranger: maaaah

You: Louder.

Stranger: MAAAAH

You: God baby, I need more.

Stranger: MAAAAH!!

You: So close...come on!

Stranger: mmmmaaaaaah

Stranger: MMAH! MMAH! MMMMAAAAAAH!

You: No, it's not working.

Stranger: it did for me

You: That's cool.

Stranger: now I'm baby, see, I told u we'd move to the next level

Stranger: now we're dating, farm boy

You: I'm just so happy, Stranger.

Stranger: Let's celebrate

Stranger: what do u like to do

You: Shoot things.

Stranger: awesome

Stranger: do u have a gun?

Stranger: like your own?

You: A few.

Stranger: niiiice

Stranger: go out to the field and shoot something

Stranger: for us

You: How about a goose?

Stranger: poor little f****r

Stranger: okay we have to eat

You: If you're a vegetarian, I'm breaking up with you.

Stranger: no f*****g way

Stranger: just never shot a living thing yet

Stranger: but if u break up with me I'll track u down and try

You: You let everyone else do the dirty work and you just enjoy your burger.

Stranger: absolutely

Stranger: I'm a mob's wife

You: Well I work with cows, Stranger, and I can tell you that they're sweet and they have feelings.

Stranger: do u feel bad for shooting them?

You: I don't shoot cows.

Stranger: how do u kill them

You: Break their head.

Stranger: ouch

You: But I don't do that. I milk them.

Stranger: is it weird?

You: No, they like it. I also track down the ones who wander away.

Stranger: they LIKE it?

Stranger: like you're jerking them off?

You: Absolutely.

You: No.

Stranger: then how can u tell

You: Having that milk makes them sore. Milking them relieves that.

Stranger: ohhh

You: Because they won't move until you do.

Stranger: that makes sense

Stranger: are u nice and gentle with them?

You: Yes. And I talk to them.

Stranger: what do u tell them?

You: That they're good girls and doesn't that feel so much better?

Stranger: that's totally weird and hot

Stranger: and sweet

Stranger: can I be your cow?

You: No.

You: You're not a good girl.

Stranger: I'm a dirty girl

Stranger: woof

Stranger: i don't know why I did that

Stranger: let me fix it

Stranger: maaaah

You: We already went over that, Stranger.

You: And I don't like dirty girls.

Stranger: do u like dirty boys?

You: No.

You: I like things clean.

Stranger: do u like clean boys?

You: Sure. Sorry, I guess that ends our relationship.

Stranger: oh no I just took a shower

Stranger: I'm squeaky clean

You: You're too poor to be clean.

Stranger: i would have

Stranger: but I'm smart

Stranger: so I live in a house and all

You: Well, congratulations there.

Stranger: is there anything I can do to get a picture?

Stranger: wash something?

You: lol no, the shower is totally doing it for me already.

You: How are you so sure this is even legal?

Stranger: you mean like maybe you're 14?

You: Or maybe you are.

Stranger: then you'd be the one in trouble

You: Well, now I know you're not.

You: So you either think I'm not or you don't care.

Stranger: u sound like 40

You: Wow.

You: Thanks.

Stranger: so you're not lol

Stranger: 30?

You: Not even close.

Stranger: f**k, u are 14

You: No.

Stranger: 15

You: Sure.

Stranger: don't think it's a crime yet

You: Not yet, because I haven't shown you my tits?

Stranger: exactly

Stranger: can I see that at least?

You: Creepy.

Stranger: you're creepy

You: I've heard that.

Stranger: goat f****r killer farm boy

Stranger: yeah?

You: Absolutely.

You: I'm "that creepy kid".

Stranger: that must suck

Stranger: I'm the ghetto commie rat

You: Nah, you get used to it. Been that way for pretty much my whole life now.

Stranger: doesn't bother u?

You: It's true.

You: I have a very creepy face.

Stranger: really?

Stranger: oh man I'm so curious

Stranger: describe it with your nice words

You: Imagine the creepiest thing you've ever seen.

You: And then put it in the country.

Stranger: wow

Stranger: did your face get fucked up or were u born like that?

You: Oh, I was born this way. Popped right out with big weird eyes and went from there.

Stranger: like a bug?

Stranger: the eyes

You: Like a f*****g bug.

Stranger: color?

You: Blue.

Stranger: big blue creepy eyes, got it

Stranger: what about your hair

You: Red. Like a leprechaun bug. And I glow in the dark, I'm so white.

Stranger: so you're Irish

Stranger: do u drink a lot?

You: Seems that way.

You: Not as much as my dad.

Stranger: run away?

You: Nah lol he's not here often enough.

Stranger: oh lol good

You: He's at the bar now, actually.

Stranger: and your mom?

You: Business trip all week.

You: So I'm eating a lot of mac and cheese

You: Officer Hunter does not cook.

Stranger: so u got an alcoholic cop for a dad lol original

You: I'm a walking cliché, Stranger.

Stranger: with bug eyes

You: And a gun.

Stranger: i like u

You: I'd hope so. We ARE dating.

Stranger: true

Stranger: do u have Facebook?

You: No.

Stranger: Skype?

You: No.

Stranger: Instagram? With cow photos and stuff?

You: Jesus no, my name isn't Crystal.

Stranger: Loooool

Stranger: okay uh

Stranger: kik?

You: Disconnecting now, Stranger.

Stranger: NO

You: Au revoir

Stranger: don't go baby

Stranger: just give me your phone number

You: Yeah, I'm that stupid.

Stranger: where else are we gonna talk Jackie

You: In your dreams?

Stranger: LOL besides that

Stranger: come on

Stranger: we're dating

Stranger: give me something

You: Yeah but I have commitment issues, Stranger.

Stranger: yeah I picked up on that when you hooked up with me without knowing my name lol

Stranger: come oonn

You: You didn't tell me. I'm not nosey.

Stranger: i'll wash your cows and stuff

You: No, that's my favorite job.

Stranger: i'll wash your...barn

You: I don't have a barn.

Stranger: that's a sad field baby

You: It's not even my field. It's my neighbor's.

Stranger: u don't have a scarecrow either?

You: He has several.

Stranger: oh okay, I was scared for a second there

You: Like a crow?

Stranger: how about...OH, email?

You: Is this 2002?

Stranger: EXACTLY

Stranger: give me your number

You: 10.

Stranger: phone number

Stranger: what number is that though

You: It's in there. You have to guess the rest.

Stranger: Aw f**k I'll never get that

Stranger: give me more clues

You: Well, when you figure it out, call me.

You: Get it?

Stranger: I do

Stranger: dick

Stranger: u don't love me

You: Let's play a game.

Stranger: i'll do everything I can to wash your cows

Stranger: i don't know

Stranger: what game

You: It's called "Guess My Phone Number".

You: GO!

Stranger: ¬¬

You: You can't win if you don't play.

Stranger: 1

You: That's not enough numbers.

Stranger: 1234567890

You: Formatting, please.

Stranger: dudee

You: Come ooon.

You: I thought you loved me.

Stranger: 123-456-7890

You: Wrong.

You: But close enough!

Stranger: shock

You: Awww, I was going to give you your prize, but sounds like you don't want it.

Stranger: i do

You: Say it nicely.

Stranger: ...I really do?

You: Beg.

Stranger: f**k you

Stranger: baby

You: 608-427-7510.

You have left the conversation.

Author's Note

Intrigued so far? Let me know!