Shattered Dreams

dreams are broken but the heart never stops dreaming.

i am an angel of happiness

tied down by some ugly chains 

i came to give life

now i'm walking on remains.

no i wouldn't have failed

if it wasn't for you

you kept me veiled

i would've shined so bright

so bright that the sun would hide

but just because you are a major fail

you drag me along your tail

you've kept my talent deep inside

the tears of anger i try to hide.

one day,soon, i will break free

from this dirty web that you've tied me in

my words will cut through the dumb silence

i will stand strong and tall like them holy trees

that you believe in, you hypocrite

everyday, you kill a little part of me

then you pray and say that God will see

like i'm the sinner

well to you, i am

but i don't expect you to understand

i'll walk on my own

i'll find my stand.

Author's Note

i was going through some tough times when i wrote this....what do you think?

Reviews

[eglantine]

First off, so glad you are able to turn to the pen and express feelings, especially during tough times.

Second, please don't hate me for the following. I took your poem and tried to condense/edit it. This is what I came up with (I liked the lower-case 'i' so kept it, shows somewhat deflated sense of self:

i am an angel of happiness (diff word than happiness, too vague)
tied down by ugly, bloodied chains
i came to give life;
now i'm walking on remains.


i wouldn't have failed
if it wasn't for you
you kept me veiled
i could've shined so bright
so bright that the sun would burn

one day, soon, i will break free
from this dirty web that you've tied me in
my words will cut through the thickened silence
i will stand strong and tall like holy trees

i'll unfurl my wings
i'll find my stand.


Idk, just a quick re-edit thing lol if ya don't like it, you're the author and no one can blame ya for not liking my suggestions. Only you know what it needs to say.

[Hidden Happiness]

omg thank youso much for doing that....it was really helpful and i really do appreciate the effort and the changes are really good too...thank you so much:-):-D.

[Sami Khalil]

Nice poem ... Thank you for sharing...

[.]

I love this part :

i would've shined so bright
so bright that the sun would hide
but just because you are a major fail
you drag me along your tail
you've kept my talent deep inside
the tears of anger i try to hide.
You've got talent! 100/100

[Hidden Happiness]

Thank you so much for believing in me...i really appreciate it:-).

[.]

you're welcome

[Leslie Philibert]

I enjoyed this, like the use of I in the lower case, reminded me of e.e.cummings, the the lines full of self determination and courage.

[Hidden Happiness]

thank you so much:-).

[Talismanic]

This is incredible!
The rhythm and images express so much spirit, wisdom and strength.
2nd stanza 'but just because you are a major failure,
you drag me along at your tail' ?
Keep up the fight, you are not alone,
Your writing reminds me how I feel:)

[Hidden Happiness]

thanks so much...you give me a lot of inspiration:):).