White

I am sugar 

I lingered on your tongue

For one second (too long) 

(But I swear your bright eyes 

 Caught white fire)

I sifted through your fingertips 

Like a dusting of snow

While you watched 

You forget about me

(As I try to forget about you)

Author's Note

I know it may need some work, but I had to get it out.

Reviews

[Augustus]

Oh Hayley! What an absolute pleasure to visit you again. There is so much charm in this poem. So beautiful. So gorgeous. You truly have an exceptional gift. And I am not saying this just for the heck of it. I really mean it.

I am sugar
I lingered on your tongue
For one second (too long)

Too short, because it was so good while it lasted. But too long, because it did not stop you from falling in love. I think even if you hadn't written more this would have been a great poem.

"Your bright eyes caught white fire"
I see surprise here. And anger as well, or resentment perhaps.

"I sifted through your fingertips"
This is so delicate. And so natural. You just move away before you even realize what's happening....

"Like a dusting of snow"
Snow is ephemeral. It never makes a permanent impression. There is pain implicit in this line I feel. Very delicate and subtle. Very feminine, as someone below has pointed out.

Perhaps there is more to it, but this in my opinion is the gist of it. It's very evocative. I'm still a little dazed by the magic of the first three lines. You are not sugar, Hayley, you are gold!

God bless you! Keep penning!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Simple and effective, the power of the words really do hit the reader full on and leaves us satisfied, well done,g ood read.

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

This is good! Analogies often help us express how we feel.
His loss, I assure you.
Strong, concise point made here.

[Lily Mae]

No, I think it's perfect. I love the strength and the message.. An honest piece.. I love it..x

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

What a nice play of metaphors, very fresh and different. This business of brackets suits you.