Do I deserve her?

How do I be a Mom?

My daughter keeps saying "mommy! No! You can't leave me! Why are your wrist bleeding!" 

I'm only a kid. Why do I have to do this? "Emma, baby! I love you! I'm sorry." 

I start crying. "stop crying. be strong for your baby girl." I think. 

Emma crawls on my lap and takes her hand and touches my tears. She looked at me like I was crazy. Then back down at her wet fingers. She looked like she couldn't believe what was happening. I get up and try to leave. She starts screaming and piling her toys in front of me. "No mama! Don't leave! Mama! Mama!" I can't stand to see her cry. 

I wipe the blood off of me. I dry my tears. I grab Emmaline and just hug her. "I'm sorry baby. Mommy is so sorry." 

I just hold her and think "I'm a horrible mom. I can't get a job. I'm going to be 16 on October eighth. I have a 2-year-old. I'm a w***e. I wish Jacob would come back." I look down at Emma. she is sucking on my finger. Wow... what a blessing. I look over at her piled toys. She loves me. She looks up to me. How do I become the Mom she needs?  

Author's Note

I love Emma so much. I can't stand her green eyes looking at me crying. I just don't know what to do...

Reviews

[Srchaud]

OMG this is intense. Seriously. I love this is. I have no advice, I dont think you need it.
I Guess all I can do is tell you what I liked.
It hits you real hard,gut wrenching really, and does not let up. The child piling toys around her mother, killed me. The pain in the mothers thoughts heart breaking.
I sat at the edge of me seat wondering how it would end, hoping it would be alright, afraid it would not.

[Tony Jordan]

A child doesnt understand but will when it gets older. Try to remain focussed on her.

[Dwayne J. Keeves]

The dancing of under grass in a field. A little wonder seeking only to be loved. Mommy will find a way, I do believe.

[Haylie SD.]

yeah but it's hard. like when u bring a child into this world, the daddy should be involved, and we should be happy. not fighting over money

[Dwayne J. Keeves]

Yes he truly should. Empathy and love is a must. Just a small note: I took up as Mom/Dad over 8 years ago. No regrets. The lives dads miss out on when they won't be Dad's

[Ghania]

It becomes really hard sometimes to cope up. But again, there's always a door to light. :)