The Mouse in My Garden

a humerously true discourse on a local visitor I met in the garden one night.

There's a mouse in my garden, a big one for sure!
I saw him tonight as I opened the door.
He looked right at me with eyes bright and bold,
As he nibbled on bread thrown out of old.
We nodded politely and seemed to agree,
there was room in the garden for both him and me!

 

A cat jumped down off the garden fence,
It was large and white and on the offense.
I got quite a shock as it flew right by,
A blur of white that fell from the sky!
It really was the most dreadful sight,
And the mouse leapt up in a terrible fright,
Then the cat leapt forward and banged its head,
As the mouse scurried off and under the shed!

 

This morning, when I looked out the door,
first I saw one and then saw one more!
And then, as I reached for my tea,
I looked again and now there were three!

What seemed so appealing now seems no more.
What if tomorrow I find there are FOUR?

 

This morning I woke with some trepidation,
and stumbled downstairs in some hesitation.
As I switched on the kettle and looked out to see,
only one, thank goodness, not four and not three!
And if I am honest, I felt rather mean
as he looked right at me, "what, no bread to be seen?"

 

And then, peering over the roof of the shed,
was that a big, white, furry head?
Ears pricked with intent and whiskers aquiver?
I looked at the mouse and felt myself shiver!
I need not have worried, that's one clever mouse,
As he ran under the shed, I stepped back into the house!

 

No mouse this morning, I do feel bereft.
I imagine he's cross and so he has left.
He's packed up his bags and gathered his friends,
sadly it seems that here my tale ends!

 

Reviews

[Michael X]

You have an awsome way with words and the thought put into each sentence alone is touching
in way of passion and creative aspect- this is humorous in a perfect way-lighthearted and family
friendly-not overboard in unnecessary explainations-what i found most appealing is the colorful
imaginative projection-makes the reader feel like a kid again-skillfully delivered with captivation

[Belator Books]

Too many exclaimation marks. You conveyed perfectly with the words the mood, thus some of said marks were unnecessary. Try to avoid trite phrase like 'for sure!', if you can as it brings down the level of the poem to a childish audience. If this was yor aim, however, then you have done it. This piece I liked for its quirky, smooth fun. Cheers.

[Joseph - Michael]

That was really interesting piece you got there. Somehow, it reminded me so much of this movie, "Ratatouille" the Disney / Pixar animated film about Remy the rat as the chef (lol)

Anyway, you wrote it so smoothly and well expressed, this writing is sure a worth reading, so it's all really great there...

[desertsky]

This is a delightful poem. If I were still teaching, I'd want to share it with my students and have them look at how and why it works. The rhyming doesn't seem contrived, but tells the story, and the rhythm works nicely, without awkward breaks. The topic is humorously handled, while still covering the variety of feelings one might have about garden mice! Totally charming, and smile-inducing poem.

[Jacquelene Vanessa More..]

this is so adorable. i put it in my faveorite it reminds me ofa nursery rhyme. just a little fright but not so gory like some. you are a great story teller from beginning to end. i was rootin for the mouse. a couple of my faveortie lines were " we nodded politely" i can so see you doing that. plus it brings like and character to the mouse right away in a very suttle fashion. and then when you said he and his friends packed off and left. so cute!! great imagery. it's nice to read some light hearted stuff. don't worry though my cat prefers birds. not a mouse kinda guy

[Becca]

Mouse lover here!...this is such a sweet tale.
You made it easy to envision all the different scenes.
Thoroughly enjoyable..I caught myself smiling.

[Dianne]

This was so fun to read, charming and funny and very entirtaining.

[keiths ramblings]

I really loved this poem the first time I read it somewhere else! And it's improved with the journey.
Great.

[*RIC]

Great piece of work, a charming read!

[Rambling Prose]

This is too cute! I can see this being published in a 'children's book of poetry'!

Nicely done...