(Not) The First

I have had so many loves unrequited, dearest child, do you think you can break what is already broken?

Love isn't something new for me and you are no exception. You are the first crush I've written a poem about, but you are not the first to not return my feelings. You are the first boy I've had a crush on, (who wasn't an adult and never gonna like me anyway, I've made peace with that) who is kind to me, but you are the hundredth million of attractive people who've trampled over my heart. I don't know what your response will be if I told you how I feel. I don't know what you are thinking when you laugh at my jokes or lie in bed at night, but whatever you think of me, you will not be the first. But I want you to be. God, how I want you to be. I want you to be mine, I want to be yours. I want to kiss and hug you and ask about everything about you, and feel safe in your arms. I want you to see me in ways I will never see myself. I want to touch your scars and revel in the fact that I will be your first. I want you to caress my bruises and cuts and accept me as I am. I want you to be my first. But if you're not, then babe, YOU are (not) the first.