150⁰ (Diagnosis vol.1)

For those of us diagnosed with s**t we never wanted, playing the cards we're dealt with, this one's for you. P.S Your strength makes you even hotter.

150⁰
150⁰

I walk into the room, chest filled tight, rocks weighing down my bowels and stomache churning butter. I don't know what's going to happen but for some reason I can't stop crying.

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150⁰

The doctor tells me to take off my shirt and put a nightgown over it so he can see my back.

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I do.

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He comes back and tells me to bend over. I cry some more.

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He checks my back, murmurs something, checks the computer.

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You know what's funny though? You know what's real s****y?

I. Don't. Remember. Exactly. What. Happened.


My therapist calls it dissociative amnesia. Your body is under attack so your mind just shuts down and you don't know what's happening.

150⁰

Here is what I remember; I remember feeling pathetic, helpless as the doctor talks about my curved spine. Something about 40⁰, something about 150. Something about it not being really 180.


150⁰


I don't remember the rest.


150⁰

I remember my mom rambling about how it was okay and my diagnosis was okay and





I don't remember the rest.

I remember getting into the car, ice cream in my hand.


Or was it a milkshake?

(150⁰)


I don't remember the rest.


I remember the next week, talking to my friends, thinking, I have scoliosis, I have scoliosis, and it isnt going to get better until I get a brace and that will just make it not get worse, but it won't fix it and I have scoliosis i have scoliosis I have scoliosis I have scoliosis i have scoliosis.

(150⁰
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I don't remember the rest.