Walking

        

I'm walking.

I'm not sure where to quite yet, but damn, any where is better than this hell-hole.

Everyday for the past eight months I've been waking up, despite my wishes to do otherwise and I'm thrown into the same situation forced to pretend I can survive.

When are you going to realize life with you is anything but bearable? Yea sure, you go on complaining about how many men have walked out on you. No wonder. You can add one more tally to your list.

My stuff is still at your apartment. So are my keys. The keys to our shared car. You had convinced me to sell my other one, I don't even remember why.. probably just a set up, so you would be sure I couldn't escape.

 

Well guess what? I have now.

 

As I speak these words out loud, I know they're a lie. For these last eight months, every thing I've done has revolved around you. I can't just break that now, you set this up so I have no way out.

 

Well, let me properly introduce myself. My name is Mark Derm and eight months ago I made what I believe was ultimately the best and worst decision of my life. I moved in with the love of my life, or so I thought, Debra Quelt. I compromised everything for her and made sure she was content with the life we were barely succeeding at living. Every morning when she left for work I would smile and wave and wish for her death. Nevertheless, she would come home every night, and complain. Complain about how she hated her job, hated her life, hated every man who had ever left her, hated me. Yelling, screaming, occasional dishes flying. Settle down, mix a drink, lay on the couch in darkness. Exchange apologies. Emotionless sex. Sleep. Wake up in the morning and repeat.

 

This is not living. This is routine. Nobody would have put up with this for as long as I have. So why did I..? Let me explain.

 

Eight months ago, I was single, confused, and just starting my role in the world as a young and eager 23-year-old male. I had a degree in nursing, and I was ready to make a difference. That's when I met Debra and well... my life began spiraling down. Not that I saw that coming. When I first met her, I had fallen into a trance. She was the first woman in my life that seemed to care about me, just as much as I myself cared for her. Things were going smoothly and after about 2 months we moved in together, deciding it was time to advance to the next step.

 

Diving into this opportunity, I did not stop to think about the consequences I would soon be forced to face. I divorced every belief I had to be with this women, subjecting myself to her man-made religion. All I believed in was science. She forced me to believe there was so much more.

 

The months following seemed to fly by, a blur of small arguments and peaks of climaxes. Our shared love and hate for each other morphed into one, leaving time only to appreciate one another from afar. Getting too close sickened us both.