Rethinkin'

Are you sure you'll just leave now?

.../...
Because I'm constantly stuck in this sorrowful undertow,
I never really know where I'm supposed to go.
I feel lost beneath an icy surface,
Forced to believe that I am worthless.

My suicide letter states that I'm someone no one will miss.
My eggshell envelope is carefully sealed with a bloody kiss.
The paper is mottled with streaks of my dried tears.
I sign my first and last name along with a list of my deepest fears.

I wrote on the note that my emotions are what tug me down.
I wrote that I'll be slipping thick ropes over my crown.
I wrote that I've wanted it to happen so many times before...
But prior to trying, I'd always ended up crying on the floor.

This time, will I actually do it?
Would I control myself and not throw a fit?
Is this all worth carrying out?
Hell, all these questions lead to doubt!

If I'm asking myself all of this, should I still risk it?
If I'm scared of heights, should I just quit it?
If I don't pull that trigger to end my life tonight because the gun's too damn cold...
Then screw my suicide attempts, I'll just grow old...
.../...

Author's Note

If you really meant to end your life jumping off a building or bridge, you wouldn't try to catch yourself in the first place.

*Just a quick write off the bat*

Reviews

[T. W. Hirsch]

Lovely. Well, yes, if one thinks too much about suicide... one would just up and do it. If you think about it for too long, then you become more and more doubtful. Great poem!

[Honor'd]

Exactly my point. Thank you for reading!

[T. W. Hirsch]

No problem! :)

[I Am Svetlana]

Suicidal thoughts are never easy to go through, especially by yourself. The dark thoughts love to invade our minds at night once the good ones to to sleep. They do all they can to manipulate us and make us believe that our life would be much better, that people would be happier without us. Which we should understand that we are alive and here on this planet for one reason or another. We just have to stay strong and fight our demons. We all must have some skeletons in our closets, but the only way to overcome them is to face them instead of bothering to run away each time and having them find us sooner or later. Powerful, and the second stanza was my favorite personally because of the strong imagery and emotions it told.

[Honor'd]

Yes... I know by experience. I truly hated the feeling but after thinking it through, I realized there are so many things to look up to! So many things I wanted to accomplish before I perish... So why meet my demise early if there are things I could do with the life I still have left? Depression still weighed me down a ton, but I pulled through. It's tough. But yes, we must all stay strong... Thank you for reviewing!

[Mother_Yolk]

Ah. Very deep! I'm thinking about the "catching yourself before you fall" part and... I believe what you said is true. Very well penned poem, Honor. I love that last part too. The character just throws all his effort in the trash because he thought about it too much heheh...

[Honor'd]

Thank you! Thinking too much really makes one think, haha.