Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Viv Wade]

What a beautiful poem, and so true - many of us don't appreciate what we have until it is gone. Thanks for sharing this.

[Relic]

Thank you for reading.

[LeahRhodes]

Very nice poem. I love how the message and the feelings get stronger as the stanzas go. But perhaps I would replace the "..." after "your petals" by some other process. Poetry has the ability to give moments for the readers to breathe without having to use the processes otherwise found in prose. But still, this poem overall is something I'd like to see more often. It is great to know that some writers can still convey this much emotion.

[Relic]

Thank you very much for your review Leah. I've taken out the ellipsis mark. I'll leave it open for now. :)

[LeahRhodes]

That's great :) It was just a simple suggestion, but I am glad if it helped you in the end! :)

[Relic]

All suggestions that have merit are welcome. :)

[emmajoy]

Relationships bump noses in the night, emotions lose direction, time passes, one notices but shrugs off changes, familiarity breeds more than contempt, respect slips too many notches below what once was love. My version, cold and charmless.

Your words create a sadness with a somehow found tenderness: regret with perhaps a touch of self-disgust, the realisation of what was beautiful is tarnished if not lost.. and it all moves from past to present as if caught in space knowing nothing can be done.. now. Your writing's more than words, it scars, elicits questions of self; but, still stands proudly.

(In spite of the changes from original to present form, this poem remains yours - and that's what's vital when writing from the heart.)

[Relic]

Thanks for the amazing review Emma.

[Terry O'Leary]

Beautiful imagery!
Wonderful poem!!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Terry.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Wow!
Very well written and it touched me,
Can I just say though, you have potential!
My favorite part was, "The scent of your demise
seemed innocuous,
fleeting, and unable to bloom;"
Please continue to write and read!
Can you by chance look at my story The Blonde Girl, It would really mean a lot to me.
Your new fan,

C. Lee Battaglia

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Your welcome!
Can you check out my story?

[Relic]

When I have time I will.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Ok thanks!

[Raveness]

Dark but still beautiful. It makes your heart cringe and your mind think

[Relic]

Thanks very much for your thoughts. :)

[Raveness]

Your welcome :)

[Edis Radoncic]

This poem has so many mixture of emotions! That is probably why it is so great. I also agree with what you said. In this website we should not just share and hoping someone will just view it and comment on our work just to say it is great and expecting it vice versa. We should help each other out by giving writer critizicims and help each other to become stronger writers. But for this poem I don't think I need to say anything.

[Relic]

That's very kind of you Edis, thank you.

[Embers-Rising]

I love it, it's beautifully written, I love the emotion in it, please keep writing, I'm exited to read more of your work! :)

[Relic]

Thank you Callie.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

An awe-inspiring piece!
Regret, guilt and solitude; emotions entwining into each other. Sentiments of lifetime.
Full of deep insights.
Enjoyed reading it!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Jyoti. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

You are welcome!

[Seashell]

What a wonderful piece Relic, covering a wide spectrum of human feelings, thoughts and emotions. One realises suchlikes when it's too late I guess.
Thanks for share :-)

[Relic]

Thanks for the review Seashell.

[Jane Taylor Hardy]

Words woven beautifully to unravel into a most regal tapestry.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Jane. :)