Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[J]

wow T, here's a beauty i somehow missed while i was out somewhere gathering wool or some such thing. forgive, pls.

but, but you've always had the gift of complete openness in your writing with imagery/words revealing stunning depth and perception. and i've watched you evolve over the years ~ refining, condensing, focusing . . . working through frustration, aggravation with this site, with life ..... you are undeniably a talented poet and you should indeed be proud of this work. tis not often to find a writer willing to accept suggestions gracefully and actually employ them. kudos

and as to this particular write, the chills working their way up from toes to the back of my head does not happen often. not only are your words rare in their admission of "less than," but the emotions tear at my heart ... the metaphoric comparison to a neglected flower completely undid me.

fine fine work, t.

[Relic]

Thanks so much for that great review J. :)

[J]

entirely my pleasure, t. :-)

[FaeryQueen]

this is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Relic]

Thank you. :)

[Sultrysoul]

The depths of this poem rings so true. The damage of neglect is devastating when a woman desires the man that she loves deeply enough to give him her all. It's always when she's gone when the treasure they so carelessly let slip through their hands. Thank you very much for sharing.

[Relic]

I'm grateful to you for the review, thank you.

[Sultrysoul]

My pleasure my friend :)

[Orchid]

Oh - love it! This is wonderful. That second stanza - I just adore it :)

[Relic]

I appreciate that Orchid. Beautiful name by the way. :D

[Orchid]

Thank you. Relic is quite original for a name as well :)

[Relic]

I'll tell you a short story. The name came to me as a last minute thing. I needed something to add as a name and I had been so busy trying to get an account going, I forgot and added it at the last second. That was years ago. Two weeks ago I dropped my wallet on the floor. I noticed a name on the front in wee small letters I never paid attention to before. You can guess what the word is..... :)

[Orchid]

The brand name was Relic? Cool
Our subconscious can play games sometimes :)

[Relic]

My thoughts exactly. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

suggestions, feedback are so valuable..even if we don't use it...just to ponder it helps us put our own poems into the right perspective...i don't think we are ever "too good" to take criticism.


You are quite a poet, relic...

j.

[Relic]

Thanks very much Jacob.

[Willys Watson]

I’ve read several of your poems and you should be proud of what you write. You have an enhanced vocabulary that allows you to convey what you want to express eloquently. You shouldn’t let yourself become too dismayed by the lack of reviews because this happens to most of us here. There are other avenues where you can post your verse, from poets groups on Face Book to having a Live Journal blog.

[Relic]

Thank you Willys.

[Gee]

Beautiful piece.Having read your quick note I agree with what's said but very few of us have the command of the English language you possess or the skill.But improve on what we do have we can

[Relic]

I struggle to make a poem like everyone else so I don't think of myself as having a command over the english language at all. Thank you for being so nice in review.

[Gee]

You're welcome

[Richard🖌]

Now, Dear Poet,
Here's a most magnificent piece that feels to be far more than merely a poem stuck upon the page, imaginatively, skillfully, and metaphorically created to share for everyone's enjoyment.
Though, I see it as a wondrously penned Free Verse, deeply, emotionally-driven, with imagery vivid enough to leave an indelible impression projected on the inside of the mind long after the reading is done (even more-so for me, as I've read and enjoyed it numerous times), this deserves attention that will make it virtually perfect.
Your choice of introduction picture (I think) sets the perfect ambience and timbre for what's to follow, and highlights your excellent taste.

Thank you ever-so gratefully for sharing this beautifully rendered and amazing poem, and for the privilege of honest review.
Blessings to you, My Fine Poet Friend! ~ Richard

PS: Tim, you'll find my critique in your messaging at "FINE TUNINGS".

[Relic]

Fine tunings?

[Richard🖌]

Aye, that is it!

[Richard🖌]

Thank you for the generous mention of my name in your notes, Tim.
Yes, I agree that it is wonderfully complete.
Most humbly yours, Richard (Rascal).

[Richard🖌]

Oh, and welcome back! : )

[Relic]

Thanks Richard.

[Richard🖌]

Thumbs-up!

[Richard🖌]

Tim,
I still enjoy it better with each read.

[Relic]

haha, thanks for the helping me with it. :)

[Richard🖌]

Tim,
You are sincerely welcome, My Friend.
It is a pleasure and honor to help others do well, what they so enjoy and love. : )

[Annie Gryphon]

your poem is very touching. "flowers ... are fragile brittle things ..." - i think this is lovely. I also love the beginning: the ghost of you hiding in the corner ... such an opener for so many thoughts and images.

And yes, someone can learn a lot by listening to other peoples advice here but you have to be careful from whom you take it. Not everyone who sits in the writers cafe is a real writer. Sometimes it's better to trust your own heart and experience the pathways of poetry yourself. Because everyones voice should be unique. This is what i think.

[Relic]

Thank you.

[sereenaoutloud]

wow this is a strong write that is sad but beautiful!
Also i completely agree with your note...I too have been given some very valuable advice from some amazing writers that has only helped me to grow and learn!!

[Relic]

We should never be afraid to hear what others have to say. Thank you.

[Relic]

PS. Provided they know what they're talking about. :)

[sereenaoutloud]

LOL ...I hear you !! :)