Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Veronique]

Ahh my young friend you write with wisdom far beyond your years! You do it with much beauty and grace as well and I think you are indeed very gifted my sweet friend! I applaud such a wonderful write that truly shines.Your last stanza truly touched my soul as I think how many people out there truly don't stop and think until it's far too late before they even notice as you eloquently put it,' never noticed at all
your petals...
falling one by one.'

[Relic]

Thanks very much for such a nice review Veronique. BTW: I'm 52. :)

[Veronique]

Aww bless your sweet lil' ol' heart! Darlin' you are still younger than me...;)

[Relic]

.............. ;)

[Daydreamer]

I've often compared women to flowers, each having their own essence..but some wither away as they are more fragile than others... This was such a honest and artistically wonderful write.

[Relic]

I appreciate that Daydreamer, thank you for the nice review. :)

[Woody]

wonderful! absolutely magical, Relic. wording and all. great picture to go with it.
I agree with your note. nobody's perfect. we keep learning and there are extraordinary writers and poets here, which makes it a great site.

[Relic]

Thanks very much Woody.

[Riversong]

This is absolutely amazing. Your writing has plucked the feathers of my soul one by one, as though it were picking the petals off of a flower.

[Relic]

Thank you so much for saying that Riversong. :)

[DoormanDan]

I honestly don't even know what to say about this...it has just left me so speechless. How can this not have more reviews than it already does. To say that I am impressed by just how beautiful this poem is would be understating an understatement like an understatement's never been understated before in the history of understatements. Your vocabulary in this piece is just so rich and powerful that it just makes this poem so wonderful. Superb...fantastic...awesome-ah, I can't even think of one word good enough to praise this piece! :)

[Relic]

haha, thank you so much Doorman, you're far too kind. In actuality, there are 100 reviews missing because my old account malfunctioned. I appreciate your review very much.

[DoormanDan]

well, in my opinion, 283 reviews isn't even close to the number of reviews this piece deserves(I'm not just saying that, I've read some superb poems before, but this one trumps them all). You are very welcome :)

[Relic]

.................... :)

[AaronFreitas]

That is awesome! I hope I have one this popular! Suggestions from others are always good :)

[Relic]

Thank you Aaron. I'm sure you will. :)

[B]

So gently caring for someone that is missing so much but can't express it

Divinely written and sensitive enough to those wounded by lack of care

You did such a beautiful job
Very graceful ..... i am gonna keep it with me
Because i know someone in suffering of lack of care

She might be consoled by your work of art here

Thank you for writing it

[Relic]

I appreciate you kind words, thank you very much.

[Perkele.7885]

Well, let me get on board as some one who likes what you have produced. I an not a guy who jumps on the winning band-wagon but.I have said similar things dressed in different words on former occasions. A very classy write.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Perkele. :)

[....................]

Truthful words painted with perfection, accompanied by the most striking photo. Even the notes at the end add to the impact of the piece. The last stanza breathes such reflective honesty that it strikes me in the chest. One doesn't have to have been married to let a love whither and die. Poignant and profound.

[Relic]

I'm lost for words...thank you, I appreciate it FT.

[Julia Mars]

It's clear to see why it was your most popular.
Gorgeous poem.

[Relic]

Thanks very much Julia.