Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Lavender Soya]

It's fascinating how the elements of this poem agree with each other...and great word play. Kudos! :-)

[Relic]

Thanks very much Lavender.

[Dara]

This poem touched me deeply. It is not often that I read something and feel a catch in my throat, but this is exceptional. So beautiful, wistful, and sad all at once.

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[RomaJ]

Reminds us how fragile and fleeting life is.
A very gripping and emotional piece, beautifully written and powerful imagery.

[Relic]

Thank you for taking the time to look.

[RomaJ]

Omg this was 10 years ago. It's like I'm reading it for the first time again. A deeply moving reflection on love and regret. The imagery of the ghost in “wrinkled sheets” and petals falling captures how absence lingers in the everyday-- haunting yet tender

[Relic]

Wow, I almost forgot about this one. Thanks for the second look and another great comment. :))))

[Leviathus Fortes]

What we fail to realize is that we all have let fear overcome us.

Men and women alike, throughout their time on this planet, have lost someone who could have been a soul mate.

Just because our tears do not show, does not mean we aren't crying on the inside.

Say it. Show it. Feel it.

Love.

Do not fear and do not neglect.

[Relic]

Well said Leviathus. Thank you.

[blue angel]

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners

of the wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands

to grasp at my foolishness."

This has got to be the most stunning poem I've read to date! I feel as though it itself is a pedal from that flower. [delicate emotiveness] swept across the fabric of time and space. Soft and serene, yet relating such heavy regret. I adore this poem! The picture is lovely. Respectfully, blue angel

[Relic]

I appreciate your review very much. Thank you.

[blue angel]

You are very welcome. This is an eloquently written poem. Much love it. :)

[Cindy Marietta]

Really enjoyed reading this. Especially admire your choice of emphasis on certain lines. Gives the ending a much more powerful stance. Great poem!

[Relic]

I'm glad you liked it. Thanks Amanda.

[katja]

such a stark, poignant portrayal of emotions...
... your language use is truly lovely. i particularly loved your four opening lines

thank you for sharing

~yekaterina
//

[Relic]

Thank you very much yekaterina.

[Tate Morgan]

interesting idea behind this on Callousness being the reason for not watering the relationship

[Relic]

Thanks so much Tate.

[EMMIE]

I love the end note, it's so true and sadly it is every day life for some people. Love this poem, very relatable!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Emmie.

[Riss Ryker]

Hauntingly beautiful, Relic! Had to reread so as not to miss one single word! Your words are like strokes of a paintbrush with the imagery you invoke. Great read!

[Relic]

I appreciate your kind words, thank you so much.