Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Irwin]

Very well done Tim. A timely reminder to us all of that fatal flaw we humans have of 'Familiarity', which over time, if we are not mindful, will eat away and dull our memories, our feelings and our passions, should we let it. Good to hear from you.

[Relic]

Thanks so much Irwin, good to hear from you too.

[Matching Socks]

I remember reading this on HP and feeling that flood wash over my heart.
Very well done.

[Relic]

Thanks so much Ana.

[Matching Socks]

Still a gorgeous poem.

[Relic]

Ahhh, thank you ana. Wanna......share a bottle of pop? :)

[Matching Socks]

Lol. Sounds good. Shake hands?

[Relic]

Sure, that sounds proper and fun.

[AprilRN1210]

wow Tim... how you plucked my heartstrings with this one.. such a vulnerable honesty throughout this one.. I felt each word.. the ending just as powerful as the rest.. beautifully heartbreaking... I absolutely loved it.. you know I am such a fan and this is why, you make me FEEL.. the anguish.. the regret.. the pain... the depth of reflection in this is stunning... you have definitely stirred memories and buried emotions with this one.. love needs to be nourished and not neglected in that day to day mundane routine...

[Relic]

Thanks so much April, I thought you had already seen this one a long time ago. I appreciate the review. :)

[AprilRN1210]

It did feel familiar, but didn't see where I'd reviewed it, so had to share my thoughts and feelings on it.. it is always a pleasure my friend.. ((big hugs))

[Relic]

((Big hugs)) back at ya April. :)

[AprilRN1210]

mmmm mmmm good! :D

[Relic]

OOOH yeah. lol

[AprilRN1210]

you are such an intuitive soul my sweet friend.. you always seem to know what I need when I most need it.. what can I say but thank you..

[Relic]

You're are certainly most welcome love.

[The Black Warrior]

Wow, this poem is so strong, powerful... the imagery and emotion in this poem is excellent!

Bravo, Relic! :D

[Relic]

Thanks very much Black Warrior.

[The Black Warrior]

My pleasure :D

[Stevo The POE-t]

I'm not quite sure if I can possibly find the right words to review this piece properly. But I will give it my best...

The emotion in this write is so strong. The imagery so vivid, it's like you're in it. The words you choose in each line, just perfect.

I think I have lost all other words to tell you how much I love this poem... This is going straight into my favorites. And I cannot wait to read more of your work... 100/100

[Relic]

Thank you very much for your kind words Stevo.

[Stevo The POE-t]

No problem at all... I wish I could write with passion that dwells inside of your pen

[Relic]

So do I. haha Haven't been able to top it since writing it. :)

[David Scott]

This was one of my favorite poems from you. I enjoyed the re-read.

[Relic]

Thanks Scott.
Sorry for the late reply. :)

[FateDictates]

you write effortlessly and had me swept up in the visuals you created..envious, and admiring your words all at once..

[Relic]

That's very nice of you to say, thank you.

[.Em.]

very vivid description. i as the reader could feel the guilt and regret that the narrator feels. great poem. thanks for sharing.
em.

[Relic]

Thank you Em.
Sorry for the late reply.

[WritersRankings]

This is a very humanistic and existential write. It fits together well as a whole and I've read it many times trying to identify its secret. I would have liked to see more 'aha' moments though I think the one for me was:

"The scent of your demise
seemed innocuous,
fleeting, and totally unable to bloom."

[Relic]

Thank you.