Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Jo]

this is an emotionally generous poem which is highly effective. I especially like the imagery of the opening stanza.

Excellent

[Relic]

I appreciate that Jo, thank you.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Wow so much Imaginary and sad.




Romantic yet soft full of Pouring Emotions thank you for sharing this
beautiful piece and your lovely review and comments.



Even though sad I loved these stanza's lines.



~Echoes of You~





Your ghost hides in the corners

of the wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands

to grasp at my foolishness.




I've never enjoyed swimming

in guilt's sea naked--

it leaves me dripping of remorse.

But death's formidable grip

can trump a full hand

of indifference each time.




Blessings. kindred poet

[Relic]

Thank you for the nice review KP.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

You're very welcome. it's my pleasure always. blessings. kindred poet

[wordman]

lots of emotion and imagery in this write

[Relic]

Thank you Wordman.

[Bright Ocean Star]

Tim, this poem was written with a full blown open heart bleeding, in anguish, and it left me in tears. Life can be too short to learn lessons we need to learn; Others have a long life and never learn lessons they are supposed to learn. We don't intentionally ignore or take for granted what is within our easy grasp; we are human and we make mistakes. You need to forgive yourself, which can be the hardest forgiveness to grant. It takes time. I love the poem as is, and I like the photo of the man sitting with his head in his hands. It's completely appropriate to the poem. Beautiful and tragic....Sometimes, you don't really appreciate something until it's gone, when it's too late to get it back. I think everyone can identify with the sentiment in this poem. You've created a deeply emotional and insightful piece of literary art, and I thank you for sharing it with us....Nice write, my friend. Tragic, but beautifully written.

[NeoGen87]

Sounds like to me that your trying to reach out to someone. Nice read and good job

[Relic]

Thanks for the review.

[RAOrourke]

Love the last part when you feel him recognizing what he will miss! Well done.

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[magenta24uk]

This poem made me feel I was in another place at another time. I was in a darkened room with a single light lit upon a stage. The focus was a man, reading this poem and expressing the emotion and the loss. I liked it although it took me a while to find the flow. It was slower than I first thought (the beat that is) but once I found it. Wow.

[Relic]

Thank you. Yeah, finding the beat may have been slightly challenging at first. This has been revised many, many times and so the spontaneity may have been watered down some. I'm glad you and others liked it though. Your interpretation is very interesting.

[just Penny]

I like the use of corners as it's somewhere to retreat to, hide away and become invisible when it's all too much to bear. I use them too in my writing. Powerful emotion and depth here that drip sadness. I love "I've never enjoyed swimming in guilt's sea naked-- it leaves me dripping of remorse" - yep. A painful reality at times. I respect that you revisit your poetry to rework and refine. Something I should do. This is melancholically sublime.

[Relic]

Thanks very much for a great review Penny.

[ksbadyal]

"never noticed at all your petals...falling one by one."
this is so beautiful. we have all felt like this at some point in our lives. thank you for that exquisite image.

[Relic]

And thank you for your review.

[anne p. murray- LadeeAn..]

Words that grab the reader by the throat and say: "We seldom realize that it's too late, then we look back as it slowly knees us in the groin... that we did not appreciate and enjoy what we had... when we had it".
Great poem
anne

[Relic]

Thanks very much Anne.

[anne p. murray- LadeeAnne]

You are welcome