Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Tina Louise UK]

Poignant piece...so true of a lot of relationships. Enjoyed this one :) x

[Relic]

Thanks very much Tia.

[Scott Metro]

Dynamic...so very telling..
Your suffering is well expressed..illuminated.
Very good....
Scott

[Relic]

Thanks very much Scott.

[Scott Metro]

My pleasure

[Solilokiss]

I love this very much.

[Relic]

I'm glad, thank you Solilokiss.

[Calissa Knox]

I could feel the depth of emotion all the way through. This is a beautiful piece of writing!

[Relic]

My thanks Feather.

[Calissa Knox]

You're very welcome, Relic!

[Cryingkate]

I'm not sure which supports the other.. The Title or the words. Perfect match.

Lately my mind cannot function enough to go this deep behind metaphors I sorta gotta let the surface speak what it wants to say..
Health issues are increasing but for those who can. I can see enough here by it's structure and certain lines that this is piece is a heartfelt well thought out message and wrapped nicely with photo,lines and rhythm. I got enough of the jest to walk away with thoughts to ponder.
Thanks for sharing and reminding us of these thoughts.

[Relic]

Thanks for the review Kate.

[Cryingkate]

OMG ! How time does change things..... I didn't realize till now I already read this. A year ago I didn't grasp it.
Today I own it. Every word. I sent this link to my mate and subject said (Someday you may say)
1 yr later. imagine.... You never know what you say who or when will need it.
Even the ones who don't now, someday will.
This is a good lesson for us writers. If it happened to me, It can happen to you.
Also, remember every word we write, will eventually come to light.

[Relic]

I agree Kate.

[Cryingkate]

Update !

He told me he read this, He said;" I cried when I read the poem,I will me more aware from now on"
Thank You !

[Relic]

...Wow....

[Black Cat Fever]

So very true. A very sad, stark poem.
Impressive work.

[Relic]

Thanks very much for your thoughts.

[Black Cat Fever]

You're very welcome!

[Butch Decatoria]

I've never enjoyed swimming in guilts sea naked, profound lines... Excellent write...

[Relic]

My thanks PF.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is an exceptionally beautiful and insightful piece. One of the reasons I believe it is so important to say "I love you" and hug often while people are alive. Make up and move on. If you dwell in hurt, it will be too late to fix it one day. As for the format of the poem, it fits the theme and it is very emotive.

[Relic]

Thank you very much KL.

[rhythm&blues]

Awe inspiring read, this happens so frequently, well written.

[Relic]

Thanks so much for the review.

[Matt Sayer]

Damn! This is just incredible! The untended garden of beauty and love withers with the inexorable onslaught of time, but at such glacial speeds that the entropy can slip by unnoticed. When awareness finally dawns, it is often too late, and the flora has shriveled beyond the saving of life's wellspring and the sunny beams of true affection.

There are so many fantastic lines here, but my favourite would have to be "But death's formidable grip
can trump a full hand of indifference each time." Mortality on the horizon is enough to motivate the most stubborn of us. Excellent work! :)

[Relic]

Your review sounds a lot more intelligent than the poem Matt. haha I don't think I'll be able to top this review. Thanks so much.