Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

When this happens, there are black roses of the heart that wither and fade until even a single dewdrop of moisture is no longer able to illicit a whiff of the former fragrance of their love. It is sad when a husband, or lover disregards the once "love of his life" and discards her which leads her to think she is of no worth. The wise woman shall realize it is not of her doing, but the man who is of ill will.

You give the reader much to contemplate - the woman to be aware of what is coming when she realizes she is being cast aside, and the man - to change his actions before it is too late for both of them, as often the man realizes too late the mistake he has made in casting away the love of a good woman!

Thank you for opening reviews for this poem as I would not have viewed it!

[Relic]

Thanks so much for such a great review Sheila.

[Jace Fox]

Reality that hits you in the face and yet there is still a softness to the harsh reality of the words. I liked it and I too have been a flower that was crushed under a man that didn't deserve me, and sadly I have crushed others to prevent them from getting close.

Great poem and even if some of the lines were a bit "overdone" I thought it added to the effect of the poem

[Relic]

Thanks for your thoughts Jace. I'm sorry to hear the story is all too familiar to you. I know women who recognize the feeling within the poem. The poem itself has been revised many times. It may very well be overdone in some places but for now, my pen only knows what is here now. However, writing is never finished, its abandoned. The future may write new words...I'll see. :)

[Jace Fox]

I like how it is overdone :) I have no complaints about that I'm a girl who likes things over the top and overdone :)

[Relic]

_______ :)

[Tate Morgan]

Well it is a good thing when we finally realize that the other is in need.But it is always painful and a scar that we wear for life

[Relic]

I agree Tate. Thanks for the review.

[Lydia Shutter]

In hindsight, things become so clear. Relationships, like flowers, need care to thrive. How sad that he did not realize till it was too late what his mistakes were. Beautifully written. The metaphor and imagery are superb. Lydi**

[Relic]

I appreciate the kind review, thanks.

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

After thoughts .. ..
take bits of us away, before our time..
I should have's
You did's
lay heavy on one's heart
The corners of our existence
Set like tombstones
Ever reminding
Of what "WE" truly meant
To each other ..

A good sound write .. with heart ... Jazz

[Relic]

Thanks for a great review.

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

You r welcome ... Jazz

[LaDee]

I can see the emotion of this poem as if you painted on a canvas. I liked it alot.

[Relic]

Thank you for that comparison LaDee, I appreciate it.

[LaDee]

You are welcome!

[Sasha]

my gosh ..

wow.. amazing !

[Relic]

Thank you Sasha.

[Great Aunt Astri]

How often we realize what we should have done, in retrospect.He did not notice her falling petals but memory is often not too harsh on us. He might remember the good times.

[Relic]

Thank you for the review.

[shallimarRose]

"reaching out transparent hands
to grasp at my foolishness."

relic this one floored me.. how true this is... Sometimes a man (or woman) can get so involved in mundane things, secular work.. friends, golf.. so busy that they forget to notice the flower wilting on the windowsill. Love has to be nourished.. A woman needs to feel important. Be treated with love and respect, pampered once in awhile. All too often we look back at a failed marriage or relationship and realize it was us that let it slip away... Strong, thought provoking and easily related to.. thank you sweet friend.. xo Rose

[Relic]

Thanks for your thoughts Shallimar. I agree with all you've said.

[Dye]

I didn't expect a sad read...although a tearjerker I really enjoyed it and felt like this probably happens more often than not. Some never learn what they have until it's too late.

[Relic]

Thanks for reading it Dye.