Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[The Chosen Poet]

Amazing read, This part is still stuck in my head because you the picture you painted in my head
''The scent of
your demise seemed innocuous,
fleeting, and unable to bloom.'' I love it

Sean

[Relic]

Thanks very much Sean.

[KaylasPoetryBook]

This piece tugged on my heart strings, a very sad tale. You have a way with words. I love finding writes like this that display peoples creativity and brilliant minds so beautifully. Loved it (:

[Relic]

Thank you very much Kaylas, I appreciate that.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

I found this to be a very deep and painful portrayal of reality. You used very dark and powerful words to create even more powerful imagery. Amazing job! Keep up the great work. Also, thank you for commenting.

[Relic]

Thank you Gleb and you're welcome.

[Dean]

Your last stanza is a killer,,,really grabbed me. Sums up the whole poem just right. I have lots to look forward to.

[Relic]

Thank you Dean.

[redzone]

Very compelling poem Julie.... and then too there is the "disregarding and ignoring" but it is not her death that makes him realize "what he has done"... but her leaving. her tears are gone, as too her petals and she flees so as to have her life... and if he is honest, he spends the rest of his life, never diregarding or ignoring again and hoping she has flowered a new. your poem is a too well known story. ~~redzone

[Relic]

Thank you for the review.
Julie?

[redzone]

sorry, got confused on who wrote this poem. hope you can forgive my mental lapse... i will do better next time.

[Relic]

No problem.

[Coyote Poetry]

"But flowers, I've discovered,
are fragile and brittle things, wilting
at the slightest chill."
I like the wisdom of this poem. Love is tender and need to be treated with kindness and tenderness. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Relic]

Thank you very much for your kind words.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome. I have enjoyed your poetry and story for a long time. Stand you ground. Bad folks will be found.

[TL Boehm]

Never noticing all your petals falling one by one. That is an achingly relevant line. That and the entire first four lines just grabbed me and dug in.
Obviously this is stellar work if it garnered 80 reviews. I probably cannot add anything unique but you have my admiration. Wonderfully penned.

[Relic]

I thought I left a reply to your review but it seems to have disappeared. Thank you very much TL.

[MsJewel]

Bittersweet, yet beautiful...this is one of those poems that just curls up in your heart and stays there. You have written this with so much emotion, I could feel the pain. So many lines worth remembering. Stunning work. :) Julie

[Relic]

Thank you for saying that Julie, I appreciate it. :)

[Ruth]

Oh my! This is truly wrenching!

"I've never enjoyed swimming
in guilt's sea; it always leaves
me naked and dripping
of remorse. "

Stunning lines, the whole poem is heart breakingly stunning! x

[Relic]

Thanks so much Poppy, its my one big hit, I'll probably never be able to write like this again. lol

[Ruth]

lol You will...I sense an emotional poet ;)

[Relic]

We'll see, we'll see.

[Mehak Mushtaq]

Speechless. This piece is stunning. It haunts the very soul of me and reaches the deapth of my conscience. Amazing.

[Relic]

You're very kind, thank you.