Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I" unbelievably"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Vanessa P]

Quite a sad piece, but full of truth. There's an expression, you never know what you had til it's gone. Great job on this.

[Relic]

I appreciate the read Venessa, thank you.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Relic

Ah now!

You take me all the the way back to then.

That bad time.

Mine as much as yours.

You have caught me in your clutches.

I know this life you describe of loss.

I can review all about, structure and form.

Forget it.

What you write all works well.

But where I always ends up, is seeking the writers meaning.

I want to know what someone is telling me.

Now you have told me and there is an immediate spark of recognition.

Loss of your partner for good or ill?

Your top photo.

That is how you were feeling.

Just head in hands

Complete despair.

Nowhere to run.

Nowhere to hide.

Everything you ever believed in before flushed down the toilet of life.

Maybe that is where all heads were meant to be - in hands.

When I lost my first wife, I was working our of Marseille in France and she out of London.

When she cut it, albeit I was paying the bills, I had to do hotels to keep it on an even keel.

But every day I walked through Marseille, I thought of her.

I walked through shop windows on Valentine's day and I thought of her.

I wrote her letters on planes thinking of her.

But in the end it was not returned.

She was simply f*****g another guy.

Every morning I woke up at 4am, thinking about her and she told me to f**k off.

Such is despair.

Such is reality.

But Relic?

In the end we live and we learn.

One can only hope so.

I have lived at times I think think too much of life.

If there is colour I have missed it resides beyond the spectrum.

What you have done here and so well, is to describe the unwanted and not sought tragedy of life.

I like it when writers are so RAW.

Read my profile.

I am raw.

Watch me move.

I am inspired by your poem, if not also taken back to a life lost.

Read my Putney Bridge, my Boat Race.

The sentiment is precisely the same.

Life is for the living.

Cling on as I do.

Don't die.

You have just offered us something we may all have lived.

Go offer us more.

Don't be a Relic.

Stay current as you do here so well.

Your friend


James Hanna-Magill

[Relic]

Thanks so much for the incredible review James. You are a unique writer here at WC and stand out from the crowd. I'm so sorry to hear about your wife, that certainly is a tragedy in itself.

All the poetry I've ever written was from my imagination although I'm sure reality is somewhere between the lines that even I don't know about. My time here is not as abundant as I'd wish but I'll be sure to read the poems you've mentioned when I can.

You are an asset to this site and people here can see that. It's good that you can share your talents here and I wish you luck with all your future writings.

Thanks again for such a fine review. Tim.

[Riley]

This is always how life seems to work, we always wait till it's too late to appreciate what we have. You only realize it when it's gone. I love the way you've written this so beautifully. The flow is spot on and carries the reader away with the emotions the narrator feels. Helps readers to learn not to be like the narrator. Awesome job as always. 100/100

[Relic]

Thanks so much Riley.

[Taliaa Delune]

I like how you use powerful words that just roll over the tongue like a hard candy. It's also very heavy when read outloud (I did so just so I could feel the pause you have in your final stanza). Fantastic.

[Relic]

I appreciate that Taliaa, thank you.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

beautifully written. At first I thought she was deceased but then I read your note and what you have said is so true. From what I have observed it is not just the man who ignores the woman after years of marriage, both are often found guilty. I enjoy reading your work.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Neva.

[JulieMorgan]

You've captured raw emotion with your words as well as painted a picture of despair in my mind. Well done!

[Relic]

Thanks Julie. Sorry to have left you in such despair. haha :)

[JulieMorgan]

It is quite alright, I enjoyed reading it :)

[Relic]

Okay good. ;)

[s y e]

I loved how the emotion was so raw in this. Being lonely is not fun, being lonely in a marriage must be terrible!

Very well written!

[Relic]

Thank you Noodles for reading.

[s y e]

My pleasure!

[Stacey Watts]

Being ignored is never fun. Loneliness in a marriage can be the worst at times. It can leave a woman heartbroken and bitter. This was very well expressed. It is not easy to express pain like this.

[Relic]

Thank you.

[Rob Santana]

What an awesome piece of work. Excellent choice of words. I love it.

[Relic]

Thanks very much CREEPER.

[Bill Hoover]

Never been one for poetry, so when something pulls me, it pulls hard. I especially liked the phrase "Death's Royal Flush". That's the only thing that will ever end the regret. This is dark, this is deep. This is great.

[Relic]

I appreciate your review Bill, thank you.