A bird overheard

Reviews

[CaptainBill]

As is usual with good poetry, you see deeper when you look again. "Glide - stride " works. 'my metered stride' was a distracting image at first. Now I see a good image, with a double reference, to walking in the glen and your metered writing of this poem.

I have trouble at the idea level with the second stanza. First line and 'serenade' is a nice image. Shifting to "hymns" is where I have trouble. If this is where you were going, you gave no hint in the first bird melodies, or any bird song, actually. 'No man conveys' seems to be there just for the rhyme, and that stands out. You have to think about the meaning of 'conveys' for a long time, before you can get a meaning that makes sense. At least I did. So your chosen words distract from the image you are building. The same with 'praise'. I see a possible meaning, but I have to work at it. The actual rhyme is just fine. It is the work you have to do to get the meaning. Some artists might want exactly that.

Others have said, so I didn't before. I do like your poem.

[Relic]

Thanks for clarifying that. I will think about what you've said. In the future I'll think about a possible revision a well. You've been very helpful, I appreciate it.

[....................]

love the seamless passing of time in this piece, Relic... the traveller hears the Robin and pauses to listen; is captivated by what he does not understand and tries to infer what the Robin is whistling, perhaps a reflection of his own longing for that someone who has passed... then it is fall and winter and the traveller longs again to hear the Robin's song... we all lose people from our lives and pause from time to time to see if those song birds really do carry the messages of those now gone... well-done

[Relic]

Thanks for a fine interpretation FT and for stopping by.

[....................]

my pleasure, Relic... my apologies for taking so long to come around... I feel like the traveller in your piece sometimes :)

[Relic]

No apologies needed my friend. :)

[jeannemarie coulter]

very fine penning from first line to last...

[Relic]

Thanks very much jeannemarie.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

lovely little write Beautiful.


thank you for sharing and your kind
review and comments on my page.


I loved this stanza's lines.



He serenades his melodies

In songs no man can phrase,

Ensnaring thus my dreary soul

To listen to his praise.


Blessings. kindred poet

[Relic]

Thank you KP.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

it's my pleasure always. you're very welcome. blessings. kindred poet

[Lyn Anderson]

This is really well put together, and I love rhyme when it is done in a way that feels unforced, which it does here. What I don't like about it, is thinking about the end of summer, and last journeys, and all that. This past winter makes me want summer to never end.

[Relic]

As for myself, I like summer but the heat and noise drive me nuts. Thanks.

[AprilRN1210]

You know I am a fan of yours Tim... Let me just say, I absolutely LOVE everything about this. It is vivid, moving, and so beautifully written. The flow and rhymes add to the light, playful tone, while the imagery takes you on a thought-provoking, emotional journey.... One of my favorites:)

[Relic]

I appreciate that April thanks.

[lpkerr1]

Love this poem, I would read it again for the enjoyment of it.

[Relic]

Thanks very much lpkerr1. Are you a secret agent? haha
I noticed you have no writing, guess you'll be posting in the future?

[lpkerr1]

Yes, I will definitely be adding my own post soon!

[Relic]

Sounds great.

[Michelle N. H.]

There are scattered gems on this page :) I like how you made use of an archaic language, it grants the poem a romantic touch, certainly with the engagement of nature as well. This is such a lovely piece.

[Relic]

Glad you liked it Michelle. In the beginning, it didn't fair so well. After a lot of revision I settled on this version. "Writing is never finished, it's abandoned" a professor of mine once said. :)

[Michelle N. H.]

That's an interesting saying. I like that.

[Tom]

I came across this poem randomly and exulted I am to have done so as this is an epic masterpiece !

Tremendous Relic, you have captured the old man's delight and the little Robin redbreast's song so creatively in splendid poetic unison !!

[Relic]

Wow, thanks so much Tom, I appreciate your kind words.

[emmajoy]

' He serenades his melodies ~ In hymns no man conveys, '

'There's something about the natural world - especially the 'holy' robin, that brings out the best of people. Here you've looked, found, and spoken thoughts beautifully.

[Relic]

Thanks for saying that Emma. Appreciate it.

[emmajoy]

I only ever tell the truth .. even so late in the morning!