A Night on the old Writer's Cafe

Writers Cafe hasn't always been perfect. The story below highlights the frustration writers went through one year just to read a poem or send private messages.

If not for friendships, I (and probably others) would have left long ago.  

Side note...Robbie is actually an attractive female on the site.

~~~

OK, I'm on. I'm surprised it came on so quickly. Hmm, no messages. Let's see if anyone read my new one. Click...wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...nope. What about new reviews? Hmm...nope, but I could have guessed that anyway.

Everything seems pretty normal. Let's see who's online. Click...wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...yeah, there's a bunch of people. 

This girl looks good. Click...wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...NO DATA RECEIVED. 

Damn! I'll go to Grooveshark and listen to music while it clears up. La dee da. Hmm, let's check out some Kansas. Yeah, this new live version of "Howlin' at the Moon" is awesome. hm, hm, la dee da. 

Let's go back to Writers Cafe and see if I can get on. Click...wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...NO DATA RECEIVED. UGH! Back to Grooveshark. OK, how about some Porcupine Tree - The Sound of Muzak," yeah, haven't heard that in a while. Ahh, nice! hm, hm, la dee da. 

Alright, that should be enough. Let's try it again. Click...wait, wait, wait...Ah, it's back on and went right to the girl's page. Let's just glance at her bio: "I'm a girl who loves to write; in fact, it's my life."

Okay, girl who loves to write, let's check out this poem and see what you've got. 

Click, this is a true story:

You fkin' broke my heart

But I can't let you go

I wake up every fkin' morning

Wishing u were here  

Fk, I say to myself

What the fk am I here for?

If I can't have u,

Sh*t, this life is useless  

If you didn't f@#kin' leave,

I would have...

That's too much cursing for me. It sounds like a typical kid who just discovered cursing so she's using them like newly discovered toys. I would venture to guess everyone else her age found the same toys. I think I'll move on to someone who looks like they can write. 

OK, let's go back to online writers. Click...wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh man, this site is really slowing...oops, there it is. Alright, let's see who else is on. This one looks good. 

Hold on, message from Robbie. Click...wait, wait, wait. Hello Robbie, how are you? Blah blah blah…what did I do over the weekend? Well, I blah blah blah. How about you? Click send...wait, wait, wait, wait...NO DATA RECEIVED. AHHHH!

MAN-OH-MAN! What the hell is wrong with this site? Okay, let's go to YouTube and check out some funny pets. Here's one: a cat who scratches the dog's back. LOL. 

Let's see if I can get back on now. OK, back on. I guess Robbie got the message. Let's see if I can go back to writers online and do a review while I'm waiting. This girl looks good, too. Her bio is a mile long; let's see a poem.

"This is about a relationship; ignore any mistakes."

Ignore any mistakes? Was she in some sort of hurry to get to English class when she wrote it? This is a writing site, isn't it? 

Let's go to someone else...

This guy looks interesting. Click...wait, wait...hmm, I'll try this poem. Yeah, I like this one; I'll do a review. "I really like this one...blah blah blah."  

Click...wait, wait, wait...message sent. Great! And there's a message from Robbie. Click...wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...NO DATA RECEIVED.

Maybe I'll get off for a little while. I'm getting too frustrated. 

A half-hour later...

Okay, Let's see if I can get on. Yup, I can. There's Robbie's message. Click. Yes, Robbie, I agree...blah blah blah. So, what do you think? Send message...click...wait, wait, wait. It worked! Should I try writers online again? Hmm, let's try. Okay, good. Who will I review now?

How about him? Naw, he's way too good; I can hardly ever understand what he's talking about anyway. 

Well, I'll try someone in my friends list... Click...wait, wait, wait..."NO DATA RECEIVED. 

Ten minutes later...

Let's try this one...

This is about blah, blah, blah. Nice! Sounds good:

All I've ever wanted was punctured by regret

I've lived a life of blossoms and chives

And yet I've made the bet

If I hadn't gone through the pain,

I wouldn't be going through this sh*t.

Forget it! Let's try someone else...

Let's try this one:

The moon hung like a ball on a long gossamer string,

Begetting silver topetta milk in obscene oracles,

Reflected by Staphylococcus aureus.

Too much; let's see someone else...

This one's great! Let's do a review:

Wow, great flow; blah blah blah. Send review...NO DATA RECEIVED.

This sucks! Let's get off this crap and come back tomorrow.

The next day...

OK, I'm on; I'm surprised it came on so quickly. Let's check to see if there are any new reads on the new one. Click...wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...nope. And what about any reviews on anything? Hmm...nope.

Let's see who's online.

I'll read some of this guy...click...NO DATA RECEIVED.

The hell with it...I'll just watch TV.

Author's Note

This was written when the site was experiencing lots of problems.

Update: Poem was revised sightly. Too many "Okays" I never noticed. Might need more tweaking, don't know. Good for now. (1/17/15)

Reviews

[SweetNutmeg]

Hahahaha, I have to join the bandwagon here and say this was both hysterical and apt. I see it is from years ago. Yes, things have improved, thank goodness.Thank you for resurrecting this one.

[Relic]

Thanks for the read. :)

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love it great work enjoyed this read thanks 🙏

[Relic]

Thanks, Julie.

[kentuck14]

Relic,
You capture so well what happens here so often . . . even w/o the tech probs . . . still we keep coming back don't we . . . wish more people spent time doing some revues instead of waiting to be 'discovered' as a 'great' poet of writer. Oh, well . . . we all are very human . . . maybe that's why I enjoy this site.
Tom

[Relic]

Well said, Kentuck. The need for popularity rears it head here a lot. Thanks for the review.

[barleygirl]

This is an amazing piece of writing becuz of the way you capture SO MANY details that are SO RELATABLE . . . not just on this website, but also being online in general. As I'm on the cafe (unlike other websites) my Norton pop-up is going off constantly, chasing off all the bad bugs trying to attack me when I'm at the cafe. You SHOW crazy existence in all it's finery. Your criticisms are blunt but gentle. We are all reeling with recognition & I admire you for playfully balancing frustration with humor (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Relic]

I'm glad you liked it, Margie. They were frustrating days for sure. :)

[Sultrysoul]

Lol I love it. I hate it when a site makes me have to wait. Great portrayal of the frustration.

[several thousand]

Wiping tears from my face and blotting up the wet patches on the pile of bills on my desk hoping that the boss doesn't notice... Comical and highly entertaining. Thanks for sharing. Now I must try contain my laughter and get back to work.

[Relic]

haha, glad you found it humorous, thanks for the review.

[Sheila Kline]

Dear Writer's Cafe Friend:
I am reviewing your work per the review box, but a message would be a great way to get some words to you too, but that's like toooooo much work when all I have toooooooo do is write, and write, and write, so I will just try to keep this short and say,
HEY, DUDE.......GREAT READ. I LOVED IT!
Now, of course you know I am kidding, but "ain't that a typical response? You are tooooo funny, or should I say, too "f****** funny?? I am laughing so hard I can hardly write this. You always nail it - whether it's a night on the Cafe, or the writers, or, or, or.....you just know how to do it Tim!
I am so glad you brought this back up as I had not read it before. It's good the Cafe is not as slow as it was a year or so ago, but the other seems totally the same!
Thanks for the laughs and for having the gumphhhh to say it like it is/was/whatever....LOL

[Relic]

haha, glad I could make you laugh Sheila. Thanks so much.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

there are problems so often here; this tells it all.
i really like the part about the curse words and it being a young person who just learned them, but "s**t" what do i know?

oh, i know i like this piece of writing...and the site worked just long enough for me to get it read.
jacob

[Relic]

haha, thanks Jacob.

[Shadow Paradox]

This is hilarious. I am crying over here. It is so true. This site still has its moments from time to time. But this is so funny. Made my night. What in the world is a Staphyococcus LOL probably something I would use lol

[Relic]

Thanks very much Shadow. Staphyococcus? Hmm, I don't even remember what that meant. haha.

[Shadow Paradox]

You are welcome! Actually its a disgusting bacteria. The funny thing is though it was ranked genius. I have never heard of a genius bacteria. Must be really bad if its a genius >.

[Relic]

ha, must be. It got me to mention its name on a writing site. :D

[Shadow Paradox]

Lol! Right~

[Jocelyn_wonders]

That's unfortunate. Somehow I rarely have difficulties on this site. The only thing that happens to me is that the site won't download - and so I visit another writing site.
Jocelyn wonders.

[Relic]

Lately the site hasn't had as many problems with the exception of freezing up every now and then. Thanks for reading Jocelyn.