The Moon Shone Through Her Window

She nestled her head like some moonlight sliver

on my shoulder.

As I plagiarized the warmth of the fading sun,

I pulled her against me; 

my lust rising like mercury.

Maneuvering magical motions in shadows,

the full moon traced its light on the floor

as we rolled on wool woven horses,

and the night slipped away without our noticing.

Author's Note

Mercury relates to a thermometer.

Reviews

[ZakLeonRamsey]

Wow, this is one of your best works. Good job.

[Relic]

Thank you.

[emmajoy]

''..pulling her body against mine, ~ measuring her like mercury... ' Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!

There' a magical union of passion and imagination in every phrase. Sighs cling to my thoughts and shiver me envious. Memorable poetry, Relic.

[Raven Moonchild]

(wipes away tears) I hope I find someone one day who is as passionate as your beautiful poetry. :)

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

So absolutely passionate and tender in its eloquence. "Pulling her body against mine, measuring her like mercury"-Meltdown! Stunning imagery-:"full moon traced ribbons of light on the floor"- Exquisite poem!

[Relic]

I'm so glad you liked it Annette, thanks.

[B]

Wow
Stunning
I can see this room
with two people totally opening up
a soulful piece
really lovely

[Relic]

Thank you very much. :)

[B]

you are that magical paint brush
drawing works of art through words
i am in a daze

[Relic]

That's very kind of you, I appreciate that.

[George Coombs]

Beautiful writing and image, wonderful sensitive work

[Relic]

Thank you very much for the comment. :)

[George Coombs]

Your welcome

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

Ahhh..I get ideas.....

and we rolled on wool woven horses
as the night slipped away
without our ever noticing............

Great lines...
I did enjoy !!

Jazzy

[Relic]

ha, Thanks so much Jazzy. :)

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

You are welcome..:)......

[Enchanted-Raven]

You write so beautifully, wonderful words my dear :) x

[Relic]

Thanks so much. :) x

[William Liston]

This is a very sensual poem filled with wonderful imagery and romantic sentiments ... I truly enjoyed it. I especially enjoyed the simile in the first two lines: "... like slivers of moonlight on my shoulders." You've created a heartfelt piece, capable of making almost anyone's heart fill with warmth.

If I may critique, I would suggest rethinking some of the metaphors and word choices. The words "plagiarized," "mercury," and "maneuvering," for example, don't seem to fit the poem's overall vibe. Also, the metaphor "we rolled on woven horses" doesn't compliment the piece (in my opinion). I don't like it when a metaphor seems more like a riddle as opposed to a figurative device that adds emotion. Put simply, you could just say "rolled on silk blankets" and the reader would understand what you meant.

Whether you change those things or not, I still enjoyed this piece. Thanks for sharing.

- William Liston

[Relic]

That leaves me with nothing. hahaha I know what you mean, though. I'll have to think it over. I'm sure all of my poems could be revised but I just have to learn how first. Thanks for the review, I really appreciate your critiques being I want to learn. :)

[Nisreen]

Exceptional. ........... I love the way the moon took the focus
While two fell into deep passion

[Relic]

Thanks for the review.