Beneath an ominous sky, rage. (rhyme poem)

Version 1

Its throat roared 

a riotous rumble

Passing above the ruined rubble.

The funnel hung

swiveled and swung

Licking its chops with a tawdry tongue.

Rolling, rumbling

ferocious and foul,

It started with wind - then a hungry howl.

Version 2

Its throat wailed a riotous roar

as roofs transformed to rubble.

The funnel hung~ 

swiveled, swung~

Licking its chops with a gorging tongue.

Rolling~rumbling~

ferocious, foul,

I still recall its ominous howl.

Author's Note

I tried to give rough weather some personification.

Note to self. The poem was re-worked 3/15/16. Added picture 11/9/16

Reviews

[DoormanDan]

My my, I haven't seen this much lovely alliteration since Spooky Scary Skeletons! You managed to write a poem in both a descriptive and a concise manner, which can be difficult to do if you don't know what you're doing. I enjoyed every line of this, and the loads of literary devices you wove into it. The inner storm chaser in me wants to be in this storm! :)

[Relic]

Thanks very much Dan. I'm glad yo liked it. :)

[DoormanDan]

No problem man. In a few days, I'm probably not going to be on this site as much anymore because I'll be starting my first year in college, so I'm trying to catch up on a bit of reviewing. :)

[Relic]

Good luck with college. It's hard work but if you apply yourself you'll go far.

[DoormanDan]

Thanks, I plan on working alright! :)

[RomaJ]

Great depiction of a powerful storm as a ravenous beast; Untamable and fierce.
Sometimes it's the calm before the storm. That's unsettling. How quickly a beautiful day can transform into a hellish night. Not so much, the rain, that I remember, but the relentlessness of the winds. ..." It started with the wind..." Truly.

I really like the title change. It really adds a dramatic effect. Foreshadowing.
Than just simply titling it "storm" beautifully done.

[Relic]

Thank so much Roma.

[Lyn Anderson]

This, to me, would make a good intro to a horror story ... well timed and rhymed.

[Relic]

Thank you KL.

[PoeticSorcery]

funny little poem with fun little rhymes

[Relic]

Thank you. I'm a funny guy. :-)

[PoeticSorcery]

there needs to be funny people, or all the boring people who have no one to cheer them up or something lol

[emmajoy]

'.. The funnel hung, - swiveled and swung, - licking its chops - with a tawdry tongue. '

My goodness, how real is this! What a write, what a storm! Your use of alliteration, words tossed into action and sound and - creativity rarely found in poetry these days.. mainly cos most people can't do it. But, you can and have brilliantly. Okay, that reads over the top but is sincerely meant.

[Relic]

I appreciate your compliments and review Emma, thank you.

[mattavelli]

This was a fun read. It looks like it was a fun write, too. Going in my favorites. :)

[Relic]

Thanks very much Matt. It was fun and a little challenging to.

[barleygirl]

I see that you're a fan of alliteration (reading your bio) & this poem illustrates that. I love your word choices . . . it's obvious that you have taken care to construct your alliteration, not just grabbing the first word with the right first letter. "Ruinous rumble" . . . "tawdry tongue" (very excellent, both in alliteration & unique word choices). The idea of likening a storm to a growling animal is well done & a nice analogy, carried well thru-out.

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[Ed Hart]

i've been through a few storms like that...some of 'em were just dates...nice work

[Relic]

Thanks Ed. :)

[Tina Kline]

Great description of the storm. It is like an animal, destroying and consuming and destroying some more until satisfied and worn out, it rumbles off to rest. This is a fantastic poem.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Tina.

[Tina Kline]

You're welcome.

[Solar]

The ferocity of the storm is so aptly captured, especially in its sound and movement.

It was interesting to learn that the devastating storm of 1938 was formed near the coast of Africa.

[Relic]

Off the Cape Verde islands, yeah. It must have been a terrible time to live through. Thanks for the review.