I will plant daffodils if you want.

I will plant daffodils at your grave.

When they've grown
and blossomed,

when they're hugged
by an apricot-colored sun,
I'll see them exist,
cheerful in smiles and stiff yellow collars.

But I will feel no delight
or contentment.

Nor will I float away
like a hummingbird or bee.

I'll plod away instead,
with no expectations of messages
from the dead,
while holding a perpetual resentment
at God
for keeping resurrection to himself.

Author's Note

My mother died over 18 years ago. Some friends also died. This may have come from those losses. Some wounds never heal. :(

Reviews

[Marie]

A poignant outpouring of grief in this sublimely penned poem, dear R... Stunning depiction and feelings so well expressed. Grief needs healing and the healing path can be a very long one, dear friend, but there is acceptance there waiting at the end of it. Only our body dies, our spirit within which was wrapped in flesh, is alive and well, young again without pain or ache. Our loved ones walk beside us, dear R and one day they will come to collect us and take us with them back home to Spirit where we came from. Healing Hugs, dear R and thank you for sharing this very beautiful poem, the words of which are complemented by an excellent and very meaningful choice of graphic. I love this poem and thank you again for sharing it...

[ROXANE DORSEY]

planting flowers for the gone but not forgotten thanks for the lovely poetry,

[Relic]

Thank you, Roxane.

[Ardra]

This is very touching...the smiling flowers but yet the sadness of not seeing th other person to smile.... Thanks for sharing it with all of us :)

[Relic]

Thanks for the read Galadriel.

[k]

This poem is so beautiful and sad. I think anyone that has experienced loss can relate to these words. I especially like your closing lines, "And a perpetual resentment at our God/for keeping resurrection to himself." It's such a strong way to end the poem. I usually try to give writers at least one area to consider in revision, but I literally can't think of anything for this particular piece. Well done!

[Relic]

Thank you K.

[Einstein Noodle]

deeply felt .. and i agree some wounds do not heal .. but they can have a profound effect on our hearts ..positive or negative ..but profound non-the-less .. i love your descriptions of the daffodils ..the smiling faces and stiff collars .. i think thats very inspired .. i love how you build the story ..and compare and contrast human hearts in pain with the satisfied hummingbirds and bees .. wonderful stuff says i! and the brutal honesty in closing punctuates that process of healing ..well done ..one reading and it is part of me ..wouldn't change a thing
E.

[Relic]

Thanks so much Einstien. :)

[Kibbles and Quips]

I love this poem. How you misdirect the reader while seeding the meaning throughout, the language you use, and, of course, the overall purpose.

I have only a couple points of advice or ideas.

This line stands out to me
"with the warmth, and vitality they need,"
because vitality seems a bit... general and bland, for the lack of better words. It doesn't contribute any imagery, really, as your other sentiments and language does along with the piece's conceit. I know that vitality deals with life and what not and that may be why you put it in but I believe contributing to the established and subsequent imagery and dealing with those tones and the true meaning would be more satisfying than the hollow all encompassing word, vitality.

Lastly, at the end, the "........" of written pause or hesitation causes more distraction than contribution. In poetry, I mostly believe brevity is best, not just in the words but in the concept and context surrounding them, especially in the closing line. I truly believe it'd be more poignant if it were omitted. The intended pause or disjointedness is already achieved with the separation between the lines. If further emphasis on a line is required, a space between the lines would suffice to highlight its importance. Also, aesthetically, you have the poem's words centered. With the "......." it creates a visual dissonance and distraction even more so than if it were to be aligned to the left as per normal.

Those are my only gripes, really. Otherwise I believe this is a perfect representation of the work you set out to achieve. And please, don't take this as something you must do but merely as a different perspective on the idea that YOU have. You are the sole possessor of that image in your mind, I am merely trying to help you better realize it.

Thanks for sharing! Please keep writing!
-Kenn

[Relic]

Well said Kenn. I really like what you've shared and am not put off in any way. Anyone who knows me knows I always consider advice from people who know what they're talking about. I'll leave the poem as is for now while I consider what you've said and revise.

Thank you for your review. :)

[Kibbles and Quips]

Any time. I love doing workshops. I like to use that caveat because some people don't take kindly to criticism, especially on this site.

Glad I could be either of some help or at least another voice in your head for other or future works.

[Relic]

I've actually made some changes just now.

It's funny because before you reviewed this, I was thinking to myself (on another one I'm writing) if I should try to write more in images and concrete words than in the abstract. I'm always learning, or trying to.

So yeah, you were of great help. :)

[Kibbles and Quips]

Haha Hey, there is a time and place for every literary tool! As the writer, we have to make sure that every tool is being used appropriately and for its purpose - not just abstract for the sake of being abstract just like not concrete for the sake of being direct. There's a purpose for every concept. We just need to know when to aptly use them.

Sorry for the short rant haha. I am just in the mood to write and talk about this stuff.

But yeah! Glad to be of any help! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A strong ending to a honest poem. You took the reader with your to deep thoughts and true ending. The lost of someone we loved. Hard to grasp and understand. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[DIVYA]

But I will feel no delight or contentment.
Nor will I happily float away as fulfilled
as the hummingbird or bee.

You have put words to my greatest sorrow and regret. I buy loads of flowers and incense to place on my loved ones'graves with such a heavy heart knowing it won't ever bring them back.

This poem is so sad yet as beautiful as those daffodils...

[Relic]

Thanks so much DIVYA. :)

[DIVYA]

You are most welcome :)

[Kelly Scheppers]

I love the anticipation I feel whenever I see something new from you! Your words make this reader swallow hard...

[Relic]

Thank you very much Kelly. You know I appreciate it. :D

[NotaRabbit19]

I thought this poem was headed one way and then it turned around... and I really like poems that do that. The idea that beauty can be recognized but not truly felt as a result of grief is incredibly sad. But sometimes life is just sad, and it would be a disservice to the world to leave sadness unspoken of.

[Relic]

Nicely said. Thanks you. :)

[John the Baptist]

As poignant an expression of grief as I have seen on this site. The imagery of the cheerful daffodils in their stiff collars is exquisite, and you can almost feel the speaker's bitter pain in the work's last words. Very well done piece.

[Relic]

I appreciate your review, thank you. :)