The Last Memory

"Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart." -Fyodor Dostoevsky

I am the broken and unbroken,

The one who makes the decisions,

Where none dare.

The moment is never where I am,

The future is my present and the past is my curse,

I live every moment three times. Or maybe four.

The pain inside will never heal,

For wounds left open stay real,

They bring comfort in knowing I feel.

And those feelings I miss are moments.

I don’t want time to steal,

For they bring me comfort that seems real.

In me, the pain only grows with age,

For that is a choice I make;

The last memory is what makes my heart worth the beat.

I welcome the ghosts of pain,

For they bring joy and tears;

They tear me apart, but it’s what I have to do to feel.

The burden of life is on me and me alone,

I choose curses for my soul,

Knowing I have the will to survive.