chapter two

Thirteen years later

“Astra,” a low voice whispered. The voice belonged to a medium-sized fox with red and gray marbled fur and black paws.

“Don’t leave me, Mom,” the sleeping girl said

“Astra, wake up.” 

“Daddy, no!” she screams in her nightmare.

“That's it!” the fox said in an irritated tone. He then grabbed the vase that was on the nightstand, took the withered flowers out, and poured the brown water on Astra’s face. “HELP!!” Astra's eyes snapped open. She sat up and leaned her back against the cold stone wall. “Why am I all wet?” Astra complained, “Gray, did you do this?” The fox looked up at her so that their gazes met. He looked so sad as if he was about to cry. Suddenly, his expression shifted, and a smile appeared on his face. Then his mouth opened, and he began to laugh.

  Gray laughed, “Haha, hee, hoo. You should have seen it. Hee hee, you, ‘Daddy, don’t leave me.’ hhah”

“Shut up, Gray!!” Astra screamed. She stood up, angrily dusted herself off, and shook her head to get the water out of her long, black, curly hair.

“Well, now that I’m up, you are going to help me get breakfast,” Astra said as she walked over to the entrance of the cave. The entrance of the cave was a rounded opening with hanging green vines. Astra walked through the vines, studying her surroundings. The leaves began to change color, and the wind felt cooler than it had the day before.

 Astra knew that autumn had finally arrived. She walked through the autumn trees and looked for some breakfast berries.  Then, she spotted the largest, reddest raspberry she had ever seen. She bolted towards the bush and picked the berry. She popped it into her mouth and closed her eyes. She took a moment to enjoy the sweet juice and the smooth texture of the berry. She was so lost in the moment that she did not hear the gun being loaded a few feet away from her. Her ears twitched, and the hair on her neck stood up. She slowly turned around. 

Her jaw froze as if someone had hit the pause button. In the distance, she could see a young man who was tall and skinny. She slowly crept closer until she was about a yard away. Astra had seen plenty of hunters, but this one seemed different. He wasn’t wearing camouflage; he was wearing a neon green sweatshirt and blue jeans, though his bright red hair could have easily been mistaken for a Cardinal. He started to turn towards her. She quickly hid behind the nearest tree.

 When the man turned around, she saw that what he was holding was the worst weapon of mankind. A tranquilizer gun. This explains why he was so poorly dressed for hunting. He would catch an animal and use it as a science experiment. The thought of it made her want to lash out at him, but she knew she had to stay hidden. No matter what. Instead, she threw a rock in the opposite direction to get his attention. He turned around to face the direction of the noise. Astra took this moment to escape.

When she put a good distance between herself and the boy, she stopped.

“You're a fast one.” Astra froze; she hadn’t heard him chasing her. “Who said that?” she asked as her ears twitched.

“What are you?”  the redhead emerged from behind the trees. He seemed taller and stronger than Astra anticipated.

“What do you mean, what am I?”

“You don’t look like the other girls.”

“No, really?, I’m not like the other girls.”

“You have fox ears,” Astra instinctively covered her ears. “Normal girls have human ears,” he continued. He took a step closer. They were an arm's length away from each other. Astra was debating whether to attack him or to run away. At that moment, a gunshot rang out, and a flock of birds flew towards them. Astra felt a tightness in her chest, and something had died. The boy was still in shock, so she ran. She ran for what felt like miles until she finally reached her den. She couldn’t wrap her mind around what had just happened.

Author's Note

bare with with me guys

Reviews

[abletec]

DR.PB, this is unfortunately becoming confusing now. First we're in a house, next in a cave, w/no indication whatever how we got there. There's a fox whose connection to Astra (who I'm guessing is your protagonist) we have no idea about, and the same holds true for the boy. There's a lot of action here, which is really good, but w/nothing tying it together for us.

Perhaps something that might help is a brief summary. This is what I wrote for the book I'm currently writing. Please take it for whatever value it might have--if it's helpful, great! If not, then humblest apologies for having wasted your time.
"The last words 12-year-old Mary ever heard from her mother were that she was destined to b the mother of Messiah. But being from a backwater town, an orphan, and disabled, that dream seemed about as likely as a trip to the stars, until a humble construction worker, a homeless lady, and a small, abused donkey showed her that unconditional love could change everything."

That little summary tells who the protagonist is, suggests other supportive characters, and gives the reader a broad outline of some of the relationships as well as what to expect from the story.

You've got some great action sequences here. But your reader needs some sort of organization to tie that all together. Perhaps a summary similar to the above might help, as would some explanations as to who these characters are, their relationships to 1 another and some transition points.

I hope you find this helpful. Please keep writing. It's a fascinating concept. I look forward to more. & thanks also for the friend request. I'm honored, really.

[DR.PB]

Thank you for the feedback and excepting my friend request