For Those Like Me

Poem for Autistic people like me. They'll understand. Grew up in 1950s/60s when things weren't so well understood and people like me were sent to state institutions. If not for my mother.

Those designed like me�"they will understand,
I'm a chameleon�"an alien in this land.

After years I learned to survive,
In a world where neurotypicals thrive.

They’re quick, they’re sharp, they wield their skills,
While I’m caught in webs of social drills.
Exploited for my talents, my flaws too�"
Used for someone else’s gain, not always what’s true.

As a child, I feared the state hospital’s door,
Like my uncle�"slow, unsure, unsure.
Obstinate, distracted, smiling too much,
Avoiding eye contact, missing the touch.

In those days, punishment was the way,
Beaten till I “behaved” day after day.
By fourth grade, I learned to hide,
To observe, pretend, and stay outside.

I became a chameleon�"just like you�"
Shifting shades to fit what others do.
Few understood the curse of being slow,
No one to tell, no one to know.

Alexithymia, Autism, Aspie�"names,
A royal flush of complex games�"
Emotions there, yet not understood,
Words come much later after my retreat.

Memories fade, faces slip away,
But moments that teach my heart stay.
Questions like “How do you feel?”�"I refrain,
Standard answers again and again.

I learned to answer, to mask, to hide,
To step aside, to keep inside.
Avoid shame, ridicule, scorn,
Keep my distance, stay ignored.

I’m a chameleon�"green for some, pink for others�"
Avoiding family, politics, lovers�"brothers, sisters, mothers.
Taboo�"things I don’t understand,
That bring conflict, more than I can stand.

When they tire of me�"my way of thinking,
My silence, my distance, my hiding, my shrinking.
When anger rises, I choose to leave�"
Less pain in silence than to grieve.

Ridicule�"so cruel, so clear,
When you’re different, they sneer and jeer.
They gather, mock, tease, and jeer�"
Laughing at what they think they see or hear.

Sometimes it’s a joke, a twisted game,
But at my expense, it’s never the same.
If malice lurks, disrespect in play,
I walk away�"start a new day.

The twilight zone�"a meltdown’s call,
An alien world, a heavy thrall.
Stressful, strange, and filled with fear,
A realm unfamiliar, not quite clear.

Yet being a chameleon holds a gift,
Most assume I’m just like them�"no shift.
Quietness seen as insight’s spark,
A flicker of thought in the dark.

Work has been my guiding light,
Solving problems, day and night.
With tech I thrive, I solve, I improve�"
Making systems better, smoothing grooves.

God’s been good; I’ve found my place,
A way to survive, a saving grace.
Without tech, I’d be lost or worse�"
His grace sustains my universe.

What’s hard? Yes, there’s more�"
Understanding humor, faces, lore.
Patience, cues, social art�"
All learned skills, a complex part.

My honest words may offend,
I can’t handle sports like other men.
Small talk puzzles me, a tangled maze,
No clear purpose, just a haze.

Music without words is my retreat,
Lyrics distract, drown my beat.
Conversations should serve a truth�"
To understand, connect, renew.

To those like me who walk this way,
Know you’re not alone today.
We adapt, we survive, we find our way�"
In a world that often leads astray.