Breathe

A poem about trusting people who don't really know what's best for you

“Breathe” he says, “just breathe”

So I gulp and swallow

Down

And

Down

Till I am filled and full

I sink below the sea

Upon a bed I’ve never known

Black

And

Black

The vision goes

 

“Breathe” he said, “just breathe”

Reviews

[Inda]

This is fantastic! Dark, but not in the sense that makes one uneasy, just in the fact that it deals with death in a very natural and recognizable way--drowning! Good job!

[Inkh(e)art]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it

[emipoemi]

Wow!! This is profound, and full of angles of interpretation! "amongst a bed", however, doesn't make sense unless it's a bed of flowers or something of the like. It would make much better sense, and possibly contain much more power were it to be changed to "upon". Well done otherwise!

[Inkh(e)art]

Thank you! I meant bed in reference to a seabed. I appreciate the review :)

[emipoemi]

I'd still suggest putting "upon"....it would work better with the imagery and profundity or the poem. ("amongst" is too cryptic.....even if it made sense, it would actually be better as "amid(st)" since "among" generally implies plural things....but it's still cryptic to a certain degree).

[Inkh(e)art]

Okay gotcha. I'll make an edit :)