Beyond normalcy

When the ordinary meets the extraordinary, a girl's life is turned upside down and what if what you thought you knew was just the beginning...

Chapter 1
The girl who cried werewolf

27th December 2023 �" 11:09 PM, Wednesday


“Hello, Mum… Yeah, I’m on my way. You’re sending the driver, right? Oh�"wait, I see him now.”

A teenage girl stepped out of a bustling bar, her heels clicking on the pavement. “Bye, girl!” someone called after her.
“Yeah, bye!” she replied with a wave, walking briskly toward the parking lot.

“Miss Sunmi, over here!” a man with a thick Calabar accent called out. The girl turned to see a middle-aged driver leaning against a black SUV. She climbed into the back seat, pulling the door shut behind her. The driver adjusted the rear-view mirror, stealing a glance at her.

“Small madam,” he said with a grin, “traffic dey ooo. E be like say we go pass short cut.”

Sunmi nodded absently, scrolling through her phone. The car rumbled to life and merged into the night.

After about fifteen minutes, they veered off the main road onto a narrow, dimly lit path surrounded by dense trees. The night seemed to thicken around them. Sunmi glanced out the window.

“Where are we?” she asked, her brows furrowing.

“We dey�"”

Screeeeech!

The car skidded to a sudden stop.

A large tree lay across the road, blocking their path. The driver stepped out, muttering under his breath, and walked toward the tree to see if it could be moved.

Then came the growl.

Low. Deep. Inhuman.

Before he could react, a thunderous crash echoed through the forest, followed by a scream�"a blood-curdling shriek�"and then silence. A splatter of blood hit the windshield like rain.

Sunmi’s scream tore through the night.

She flung the door open and bolted into the dark woods, adrenaline pumping through her veins. Behind her, something massive landed on the car with a metallic crunch, flattening it like paper. She turned, just for a second�"and saw it.

A monstrous black wolf, eyes glowing red like dying embers, fangs long and gleaming.

It turned to her.

And charged.

“Help! Somebody help me!” Sunmi screamed, branches whipping her face as she ran blindly through the forest.

But her legs felt heavy. Her vision blurred. Her knees buckled beneath her.

The creature was close. She could hear its footsteps closing in.

And then�"
Darkness.


---

Thursday, 28th December 2023 �" 1:45 AM

The rhythmic beeping of machines hummed softly in the sterile room. Sunmi stirred, blinking against the harsh lights above her. She sat up slowly, her body aching, her mind dazed.

A hospital?

Before she could process anything, a nurse entered and gasped. “She’s awake!” The nurse quickly stepped out to get the doctor.

Moments later, a doctor arrived and began checking her vitals.

“You’re lucky,” he said gently. “You were found unconscious in the woods. No major injuries, but we’re keeping you for observation. We’ve notified your parents.”

A few hours passed.

Then, the door burst open.

“Sunmi!” Her mother rushed in, eyes wide with worry, and pulled her into a hug. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Mum… just a little dizzy,” Sunmi replied, managing a faint smile. “Where’s Dad?”

As if on cue, her father stepped in. He ruffled her hair lightly. “Oh, darling, you gave us quite a scare.”

A policeman followed him in, holding a transparent evidence bag with a familiar phone inside.

“Mr. Akintuyi,” the officer began, “we conducted a thorough investigation at the scene. Oddly… we couldn’t find the vehicle. No tire tracks, no sign of the crash. Just this phone.”

“What do you mean no vehicle?” Sunmi’s father asked, visibly confused. “It couldn’t have just vanished.”

“We’re still searching, sir,” the officer replied. “But there’s no indication the car ever left the forest.”

He excused himself and left the room.

The silence was thick.

“Dad…” Sunmi whispered, “who brought me to the hospital?”

Her father cleared his throat. “After you called your mum and didn’t arrive within the hour, we got worried. She called you several times, no response. Eventually, she alerted the police. We tracked your phone’s location and found you lying unconscious in the middle of the forest.”

He paused, eyeing her carefully. “Sunmi… what happened?”

She hesitated. “After Mr. Akpan picked me up, he said there was traffic and we’d take a shortcut. Then something blocked the road�"a tree. He stepped out to move it. Then… something attacked him.”

“Something?” her mother asked. “What do you mean?”

“I… I don’t know. I didn’t really see it. I just heard him scream and I ran. That’s all I remember.”

Her parents exchanged a worried look. Her father placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Get some rest, sweetheart. We’ll talk later.”


---

2:07 AM

The door creaked open again.

A tall girl, about Sunmi’s age, walked in with urgency. Her long braids bounced as she rushed to the bed and enveloped Sunmi in a hug.

“Bestie! Oh my God, I came as soon as I heard you were awake.”

“Tolu!” Sunmi gasped. “I thought you were at your grandma’s.”

“I was, but come on�"I couldn’t stay there while my best friend’s in a hospital bed!”

Sunmi chuckled weakly. Tolu sat beside her, brushing a braid over her shoulder.

“Girl, what really happened?” Tolu asked. “I heard rumors… some people are saying it was a ritual, others think it was a cult.”

Sunmi’s expression grew tense. “I… I haven’t told anyone this but you. I was scared and confused. But… I think it was a wolf. A massive one.”

Tolu blinked. “A wolf? Like, an actual wolf? Or… are you saying…”

Sunmi looked away. “A werewolf. I know it sounds crazy.”

There was a pause.

Then Tolu reached out and squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry I doubted you. You wouldn't make something like that up. I believe you.”

Sunmi let out a shaky breath. “Please don’t tell anyone. I’m only telling you because I trust you.”

Tolu nodded solemnly. “You have my word.”


---
Absolutely! Here's a polished and enhanced version of your Chapter 1: "The Girl Who Cried Werewolf" with improved grammar, flow, and added intrigue�"without violating content guidelines:


---

Chapter 1
27th December 2023 �" 11:09 PM, Wednesday
The Girl Who Cried Werewolf

“Hello, Mum… Yeah, I’m on my way. You’re sending the driver, right? Oh�"wait, I see him now.”

A teenage girl stepped out of a bustling bar, her heels clicking on the pavement. “Bye, girl!” someone called after her.
“Yeah, bye!” she replied with a wave, walking briskly toward the parking lot.

“Miss Sunmi, over here!” a man with a thick Calabar accent called out. The girl turned to see a middle-aged driver leaning against a black SUV. She climbed into the back seat, pulling the door shut behind her. The driver adjusted the rear-view mirror, stealing a glance at her.

“Small madam,” he said with a grin, “traffic dey ooo. E be like say we go pass short cut.”

Sunmi nodded absently, scrolling through her phone. The car rumbled to life and merged into the night.

After about fifteen minutes, they veered off the main road onto a narrow, dimly lit path surrounded by dense trees. The night seemed to thicken around them. Sunmi glanced out the window.

“Where are we?” she asked, her brows furrowing.

“We dey�"”

Screeeeech!

The car skidded to a sudden stop.

A large tree lay across the road, blocking their path. The driver stepped out, muttering under his breath, and walked toward the tree to see if it could be moved.

Then came the growl.

Low. Deep. Inhuman.

Before he could react, a thunderous crash echoed through the forest, followed by a scream�"a blood-curdling shriek�"and then silence. A splatter of blood hit the windshield like rain.

Sunmi’s scream tore through the night.

She flung the door open and bolted into the dark woods, adrenaline pumping through her veins. Behind her, something massive landed on the car with a metallic crunch, flattening it like paper. She turned, just for a second�"and saw it.

A monstrous black wolf, eyes glowing red like dying embers, fangs long and gleaming.

It turned to her.

And charged.

“Help! Somebody help me!” Sunmi screamed, branches whipping her face as she ran blindly through the forest.

But her legs felt heavy. Her vision blurred. Her knees buckled beneath her.

The creature was close. She could hear its footsteps closing in.

And then�"
Darkness.


---

Thursday, 28th December 2023 �" 1:45 AM

The rhythmic beeping of machines hummed softly in the sterile room. Sunmi stirred, blinking against the harsh lights above her. She sat up slowly, her body aching, her mind dazed.

A hospital?

Before she could process anything, a nurse entered and gasped. “She’s awake!” The nurse quickly stepped out to get the doctor.

Moments later, a doctor arrived and began checking her vitals.

“You’re lucky,” he said gently. “You were found unconscious in the woods. No major injuries, but we’re keeping you for observation. We’ve notified your parents.”

A few hours passed.

Then, the door burst open.

“Sunmi!” Her mother rushed in, eyes wide with worry, and pulled her into a hug. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Mum… just a little dizzy,” Sunmi replied, managing a faint smile. “Where’s Dad?”

As if on cue, her father stepped in. He ruffled her hair lightly. “Oh, darling, you gave us quite a scare.”

A policeman followed him in, holding a transparent evidence bag with a familiar phone inside.

“Mr. Akintuyi,” the officer began, “we conducted a thorough investigation at the scene. Oddly… we couldn’t find the vehicle. No tire tracks, no sign of the crash. Just this phone.”

“What do you mean no vehicle?” Sunmi’s father asked, visibly confused. “It couldn’t have just vanished.”

“We’re still searching, sir,” the officer replied. “But there’s no indication the car ever left the forest.”

He excused himself and left the room.

The silence was thick.

“Dad…” Sunmi whispered, “who brought me to the hospital?”

Her father cleared his throat. “After you called your mum and didn’t arrive within the hour, we got worried. She called you several times, no response. Eventually, she alerted the police. We tracked your phone’s location and found you lying unconscious in the middle of the forest.”

He paused, eyeing her carefully. “Sunmi… what happened?”

She hesitated. “After Mr. Akpan picked me up, he said there was traffic and we’d take a shortcut. Then something blocked the road�"a tree. He stepped out to move it. Then… something attacked him.”

“Something?” her mother asked. “What do you mean?”

“I… I don’t know. I didn’t really see it. I just heard him scream and I ran. That’s all I remember.”

Her parents exchanged a worried look. Her father placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Get some rest, sweetheart. We’ll talk later.”


---

2:07 AM

The door creaked open again.

A tall girl, about Sunmi’s age, walked in with urgency. Her long braids bounced as she rushed to the bed and enveloped Sunmi in a hug.

“Bestie! Oh my God, I came as soon as I heard you were awake.”

“Tolu!” Sunmi gasped. “I thought you were at your grandma’s.”

“I was, but come on�"I couldn’t stay there while my best friend’s in a hospital bed!”

Sunmi chuckled weakly. Tolu sat beside her, brushing a braid over her shoulder.

“Girl, what really happened?” Tolu asked. “I heard rumors… some people are saying it was a ritual, others think it was a cult.”

Sunmi’s expression grew tense. “I… I haven’t told anyone this but you. I was scared and confused. But… I think it was a wolf. A massive one.”

Tolu blinked. “A wolf? Like, an actual wolf? Or… are you saying…”

Sunmi looked away. “A werewolf. I know it sounds crazy.”

There was a pause.

Then Tolu reached out and squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry I doubted you. You wouldn't make something like that up. I believe you.”

Sunmi let out a shaky breath. “Please don’t tell anyone. I’m only telling you because I trust you.”

Tolu nodded solemnly. “You have my word.”

Author's Note

Ignore grammatical errors,I'm still a learner and please tell me you think of the dialogue

Reviews

[JayG]

You’re working hard, and I fully support your desire to write. Unfortunately, you, like most hopeful writers, missed a critical point: Commercial Fiction Writing is a profession. And like all professions, its skills and specialized techniques must be acquired in addition to the report-writing skills we learn to prepare us for the kind of writing employers need: reports, letters, and other nonfiction writing.

The skills we learned in school inform. They’re fact-based and author-centric. Using them you will tell the reader what happens secondhand, in the dispassionate voice of the external observer.

In this, you’re transcribing yourself storytelling. But, look at the story, not as the all knowing storyteller. Instead, look at it as the reader must:

• “Hello, Mum… Yeah, I’m on my way. You’re sending the driver, right? Oh�"wait, I see him now.”

When you read this, there’s emotion in the words and pictures in your mind, because every word points to action and pictures that are in your head waiting to be called up. But pity the reader. For them, every word points to action and pictures that are in *YOUR* head waiting to be called up. But you’re not there to even ask.

Can the reader know the emotion you expect them to place into the reading? No. But can it work without that? Have the computer read it to you, and you'll hear the problem.

Next: from the reader’s viewpoint, someone unknown, of unknown gender, age, and background is talking with her mother. Where are we? Unknown. Why are we there? Unknown. What’s her short-term scene-goal? Unknown. So...who cares? This isn’t her, it’s you telling the reader what she said, a very different thing. But suppose you had opened with:
- - - - - - -
Summi watched the limo pull to the curb by the bar's entrance, where she was standing. The odds favored it being for her, so she began walking toward it. And as she did, the passenger side window lowered and a voice called, “Miss Sunmi?”

“That’s me. Mum sent you to take me home?”

Rather than answer, the driver, hurried from the car to open the rear door and bow her into it with, “Your chariot awaits,” in a thick Calabarian accent.

- - - - - - - - -

Done that way it’s presented in her viewpoint. She notices the accent because it’s distinctive. But he’s a driver, and to her, unimportant, so, with no interest in him, she doesn’t care what he looks like. Given that, why mention it.

And notice that it’s her responding to the limo’s arrival by deciding to walk to it. And she asks a natural question that, incidentally, tells the reader where she’s bound, without the narrator having to intrude.

See how much more natural that is than reading the words of one side of a phone call?

The technique I used is called Motivation-Reaction units, one of the most powerful ways to make the story seen real. It’s one of many you need to acquire and master in order to write fiction, because nothing else works.

Remember, they’ve been refining and expanding the skills of fiction for centuries. Learn them and you avoid the traps and keep the reader turning pages. Continue using your nonfiction skills and you’ll rediscover the traps they learned to avoid long ago—never noticing that it happened.

Knowledge, you’ll find, is a handy working substitute for genius.

So...grab a copy of Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict and dig in. You’ll like it from the first line, and she’ll teach you how to add wings to your words.

https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/gmc-goal-motivation-and-conflict-9781611943184.html

Of more importance, you’ll learn how to view the situation as the protagonist, and place them in the driver’s seat to make the necessary decisions real. That makes the protagonist your co-writer, whispering advice and warnings in your ear.

In fact, at some point, that character is going to deeply frown, cross their arms and say, “So...wait! You expect me to do THAT.... In this situation, and with the personality, background and resources you’ve given me? Are you out of your MIND?”

And when they do that they’ll be right, every time. In fact, until that happens, your characters aren’t real to either you or the reader.

So dig in. And for an overview of the traps, gotchas, and misunderstandings, you might check a few of my articls and YouTube videos.

But whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein

Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

- - - - - - - - - - -

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“In sum, if you want to improve your chances of publication, keep your story visible on stage and yourself mum.”
~ Sol Stein

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

[Inksmith]

Thanks so much JayG for the advice I'll try my best to do better for the next chapter and I hope you correct me again if I'm wrong

[JayG]

If you read that book, and perfect those skills, I won't have to.😁

[Inksmith]

Sure I will
Thanks again 😁👍

[Inksmith]

Just read the book and I see my mistakes now .
Ibe posted more i hope I didn't make the same mistakes if I did jayG please 🥺🙏 point it out .

[Inksmith]

Just read the book and I see my mistakes now .
I've posted more i hope I didn't make the same mistakes if I did jayG please 🥺🙏 point it out .

[JayG]

So you skimmed through the book in a few hours, not stopping to try out the skills as they were introduced?

If you read a textbook on calculus in that short a time, could you pass tests using it?

At the book's opening, Deb strongly suggests watching or re-watching certain films, especially Wizard of Oz. Obviously, you bypassed that one.

Looking at chapter 2 of your story. It, like chapter 1 is a chronicle of events, of the form, "This happens...then that happens...and after that..."

Your protagonist isn't on the stage noticing and reacting. as a real person would. We never know her decision making, which means she's the person you're focused on, not OUR avatar. Instead, you're talking ABOUT her and what happens, as if the reader wants to know the sequence of events.

Look at it this way: If the reader knows the situation exactly as she does, in ALL respects—via her personality quirks, background, resources, and needs—when something is said or done, the reader will react as-she-is-about-to. That's critical, because when, when the protagonist reaches the same conclusion, for the same reason, it will feel as if the character is mirroring the reader's reasoning, and acting as they want her to.

And THAT will turn the character into the reader's avatar, and make it feel as if the reader is LIVING the events, not hearing about them secondhand.

But...you cannot learn to do that in a day. Read that way and when a new concept is introduced, you'll just nod and say, "Makes sense, and then move on to the next point, forgetting what was just said.

So, try this: Grab a new book, Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer. He was Ms. Dixon's teacher, and is a man who used to fill auditoriums when he took his day-long workshops on the road.

https://dokumen.pub/techniques-of-the-selling-writer-0806111917.html

It's the book that resulted in my first sale, though it is more difficult than Deb's book.

This time, though, read it as a lesson, not an overview. When he mentions something, take the time to think about how it effects your writing. Then edit what you have written to conform to that, which will help fix that in your mind, and, improve the story.

That will take a lot more more than a day or two. But be patient. You're learning a profession, and that takes time and effort,

Fair warning, though. He is going to make you feel depressed after the tenth time you wonder why you never noticed the point that seems so obvious when he describes it. Just don't let it throw you.

And over all, take-your-time. He's not giving you hints, he is, literally, teaching you a profession that people spend four years learning. So give the man the attention, and time he deserves.

I promise you that the learning will be interesting. And his illustration of the elements of viewpoint is the best I've found, anywhere. It changed how I looked at writing for ever.

[Inksmith]

Ok thanks for the correction 😊
I'll try 😩😩😩