these are our oceans

there is a sort of stillness in the chaos

in this voice that she sings with

to the silent cacophony of the wind

dancing with the leaves that must have died

long ago in winter lands

twirling into his warm tropic embrace

and ever so evergreen eyes that slowly burn

a song echoes in the deeper distance

in the roots quenched by rain

from the clouds of grief

and they swim, and drown in their oceans

that teem with tears

Author's Note

WHEE. I rewrote this, sort of. The first line is sort of like Winged. I rewrote it like caesarkreshen suggested. It's completely different, though. Excuse the lack of punctuation. It is meant to be as such.

Reviews

[gloomysundays]

I don't know what's up with writerscafe recently. I spend hours looking for good writing to review and stumble upon some beastly writings. It's moments like these that make the struggle worth it. This poem is absolutely exquisite. I saw a previous review about you only being fourteen. If you're fourteen and these are the things you're able to write, I'm shocked.

This is amazing, really. I hope you use your talent well and produce more pieces like this one. Thank you for sharing. Good luck and happy writing.

Cheers!

100/100

[Alm]

I think that there are many good writings out there, just waiting to be seen. Thank you so much! For the review and...er, praise? :)

[gloomysundays]

No problem!

[Circe]

hey you're one talented 14yo writer, I read winged and now this, it's much improved in the way that you are allowing it to flow its natural course, this is the you with that tinge of melancholy in your tone, it says you are wiser than we know, this was harmonic and it made me shiver.

[Alm]

thank you so much! :) I'm happy that it's improved!

[Tai Ryens]

I can see your writers block is vanishing slowly; it glints through your words, Alyssa. Without punctuation, it seems to work out better. Backing up Rometsi's statement below; your pairing of words and metaphors worked out lovingly. Well done.

[Alm]

Eyooo Ryyy. I like experimenting between capitalization and punctuation. 'Tis why, I'm glad it worked out better. Thank you, for every kind review you've given me :)

[Tai Ryens]

My dearest pleasure ~

[R.O.M.E.T.S.I.]

This is very nice. I like the metephors and the way you paired the words. And...can't think of anything to make it better. Good job.

[Alm]

Thank you, my ninja friend. The metaphors kind of suddenly appeared on their own...I don't know how it happened. Hahaha :>