The Struggle

A Poem by James Probert

I didn't want to hear it
But it is amazing news
You are moving right along
In this path you made anew
My absence made you stronger
Just like I knew it would
It hurts to know that without me
You've done so f*****g good

But I still think about you
About everything done wrong
I could have done much better
And I knew that all along
I was going through too much
And I internalized the pain
It screwed up our relationship
I'm still dealing with that shame

I'm still struggling of course
The years have not been kind
I regret so much from that time
And I'll never make it right
You show up in my dreams sometimes
To remind me once again
That I fucked up everything
That I deserved much less

I'm so happy for you
But I wish we were still friends
There's a hole inside of me
That only you could mend
I understand your absence
And why you will not try
But I am not the enemy
I'm here for you and Sky