Zandria's Moonloand

Not sure if I want to keep it as a poem or turn it into prose....Could really use some suggestions in that regard.

Zandria's Moonland

-J.H. Byrd-

 

Everything moves slow 
on these soft beaches;
this immortal moonland,
and the tiny stars 
go dancing over chilling waves.

Everything moves slow
and the night wind blows.
She grasps the sand between her fingers,
showering you with that delightful 
look in her eye.

"Dance with me,"
she says.
Under the star lit waves
I floated away,
hand in hand,

and everything moves slow.

"Take what you can from your dreams,"
she whispers to me,
"and make them real."

I try to reach you.
She lie next to me;
the length of the sea between.

I wake; 
still cold and damp from the ocean spray,
reaching like a blind child
searching for warmth,
only to find she disappeared with my dream,
with my heart.

Everything moves slow 
as I rub the sand from my eyes.

 

Reviews

[ScriptedSilence]

A breathtaking dance of passion and mystery. Your words allure the reader into this mystical, sacred place.
Adore your art❤️

[JHByrd]

Thank you! And thanks for your other feedback as well!

[ScriptedSilence]

I started reading your writing, and didn’t want to stop. You have amazing skill and passion. A true testament of your talent.
I’m very new to this site, but you are indeed the only writer I crossed paths with here, which I want to come back and read again...and again.

[JHByrd]

Wow! What a compliment! I am new on here as well and I haven't had a whole lot of time to read other people's works yet, but I will get around to it.

But I do have more to post, I've just been so darn busy lately.

[JHByrd]

Wow! What a compliment! I am new on here as well and I haven't had a whole lot of time to read other people's works yet, but I will get around to it.

But I do have more to post, I've just been so darn busy lately.

[Robert Trakofler]

The (Greek) name Zandria means protector of mankind... which adds a little extra meaning to this poem. Not sure if that was your intention or not but it's kind of cool either way:) I often write in that state between sleep & wake when the courses of the mundane hasn't yet had the time to clutch to grip my subconscious mind and steer it off course. I only mention this because in many ways to me that is similar to how you described that reflexive reaching to the muse upon waking.

[JHByrd]

Initially, I did not intend that because the name comes from an old romance of mine. I did learn of that origin down the line though and definitely knew that I had to keep the name.

And I'm glad that I was able to convey that feeling because that is what I was going for.

Thanks for your feedback!

[Linxer]

So sweet, JHByrd! Really touches you where it's tender. I love your composition and the way you've weaved a bit of mystery into it. I'd say it definitely works as a poem, but that's just me. Given more context, I'm sure you'd find a way to make it work as prose too, since you've demonstrated here that you have a talent for ambiance. But as a standalone ode, it's really nice. Thanks for sharing it! :)

[JHByrd]

Yeah, I would rather leave it as a poem but just wasn't sure if it would work as well in prose form. I should just try it out anyway and see.

Thank you for your feedback though!