Sonnet 3

My lustful love for you, beguiling all,

Tarpeia, the Queen of contradiction.

Tarnish desire, to bring about my fall:

and prove again pure love is pure fiction.

A glass, a vat, of wine to toast your crown,

you love your lies, your truth is so abstruse.

A virgin queen you shall remain alone;

not one can pass; their charms are of no use.

 

And yet I still shall seek your hand to wed,

although I know the darkness in your heart.

Though men pursue you only to your bed,

you ne’er were hit by wing’ed Cupid’s dart.

A Vestal Virgin never made good wife;

so why, good men, accept unruly strife?

Reviews

[Brad Nugent]

Another sonnet? You are on a roll, JB. I really enjoyed reading this. And iambic pentameter as well! The rhythm is outstanding and, as always, you display that knack for putting the right word in the right place. We have all known a Tarpeia - the mix of cynicism and romantic thought actually works a treat. Well done!

[EmpressPoetess]

Of all the writes in this contest so far, yours is best. A truly telling tale of love's fatal flaws!

[Bailey C. Writing]

Captivation seeps from your pen :3 Excellent work

Reminds me a lot of Shakespeare for some reason. Truly amazing, captivating.

[Lilly Negoi]

why indeed :). what i love most about this sonnet of yours is that you don't get stuck in the iambs, although they dominate the entire picture. lovely work!

[J Todd Underhill]

A person who can craft a good sonnet like this has won my attention indeed, enjoyed the read.

Back again to test my abilities as a reviewer :p
Definitely a sonnet on the subject of romance I'm thinking... I'm guessing it's based on the untouched-by-time concept of men settling down for women not good for them.
Have many friends and associates this poem would rightfully fit :p
It's sorta like a twisted Shakespearian sonnet, but less story, more meaning.
The only constructive advice I can give is to watch the syllable count... doesn't ever necessarily have to be perfect, but it's a step up if it is. The poem flows beautifully so no change is needed, that criticism is more so meant to be taken for future reference.
Overall: 95/100. ^_^
If there's anything to be negatively said about your work it's that I can't say "great job" like it's a surprise lol, though I think that's a derogatory comment to be proud of.

[Audrey Howitt]

To bed and wed the darker part of ourselves---really beautifully written

[Chris]

Jeremy,

I liked this one... it set a good mood while it teased well.

Chris

[joshua deathdealer]

"although I know the darkness in your heart" This is a beautiful write...full of an enduring love that many would die to feel..xx

[KimLove "The Beautiful ..]

Jeremy, what a beautiful piece. I loved it truly I did you and your magic pen. xx