Bright of Sight, Bright of Mind

For Emma's picture competition - re: the Avatar - if my star has cheated, disqualify her!!

 

 

 

 

A star shines brightly in the heavens;

Just one stands solitary as

others dance melancholy

attendance upon her.

 

Her beauty outshines

The firmament;

She is bright,

so knows

it!

 

John L. Berry    12 November 2008

Author's Note

One or two people have suggested minor alterations to this . One I have used (and/so) but others requiring additions were not as this is a nonet - syllable by line reduction 9 to 1

Reviews

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

Yours is a fitting poem for the picture where one star outshines all the others. I liked the shape of your poem (due to the form) and especially the lines, "Just one stands solitary as others dance melancholy attendance upon her." If I'd change anything at all, it would be using "and" instead of "so" in the next to last line. Sharon

[emmajoy]

Dear Friend, it's been such a while since you posted anything .. perhaps you'll return to writing one of these days. You're missed by so many people.

[Phibby Venable]

I like the confidence of the star...and the ability to stand alone.
very beautiful image.

[Devons]

"Just one stands solitary as
others dance melancholy"

I really like these two lines, as they work so decoratively and rhyme beautifully..

Although this poem conveys little meaning to me, as a descriptive piece of poetry it has good value. And the shape you have created with the text is really effective.

PS. not all poetry needs to convey meaning but it's just a preference of mine..!

[Markymark]

I make no suggestions my friend. I love to experiment with new styles, and the style forces more into less. I mean more words at the beginning make the former read slower to faster...but the line breaks slow each thought down until the whole is a slow profound thought expressed in brevity and in nine lines. Might try one myself John.

Excellent

Mark

[Belator Books]

Lovely cadence despite the dwindling of each line. I believe that takes talent, and so it shows. I especially liked this line: "as others dance melancholy attendance upon her"; it left me wondering whether the melancholy was induced out of love, or despondency.

[RHEA CROSLEY]

I see her sparkle and yes she knows it. Thank you John. And thank the one who made all stars to shine.

I can't really give much of a critique given my limited experience in poetry, but I really like this. I'm not normally interested in poetry, but this grabbed my attention and kept it. Good job, and thanks again for reviewing my story.

[Gheeneil]

A star which stands out in the crowd of heavenly body is really a beauty. Others may look at her with praise or envy. I like the recognition part---when she acknowledged she knew she had the brilliance.