Part I) A Thirsty Heart

My worst fear

There was a man

Who held so much love in his heart

That his chest swelled with it,

And his eyes gleamed,

Teasing the sun

To shine any brighter

 

He would open his arms

And soak up life

Look up at the sky

And let his soul breathe in the clouds.

 

But the world

Took a fierce hold to the back of his neck -

Thrust him down hard,

And held him there

Until his heart no longer ached with love,

But throbbed with despair.

 

A twisting darkness surrounded him,

That his keen soul could not withstand.

 

It poisoned him.

His eyes darkened

Like smouldering embers.

 

His soul shrank away

And nearly disapeared.

 

Unable to bear any longer

His starving heart -

He pulled it out,

Locked it away

Where it could never be felt,

And never be hurt...

 

He hid away his pain,

But with it lost

His ability to love,

So feels neither

And walks where the warmth of the sun

Won't burn him.

Yet he walks with an emptiness,

And a thirst that cannot be quenched.

 

Author's Note

I said before that the soundtrack to the 1931 Dracula film inspired me to write this; but where I wasn't willing to admit to it before, I realize now that it came from me more than any song. It's frightening. But I do think there will be a part 2 coming up soon, to explain what happened to this poor man.

Reviews

[Alexander Fox]

Your poem was incredible, three lines in that became obvious, but you seem to have an admiration and a fear of this topic.....it's as if you wish you were that man, but also dread the thought of his loneliness. Intense. Although it's not my favorite style (I really love rhyming), you got your point through. And i think, a little more as well.

[Triss Chandury]

....wow....that's amazing!
It could be longer but it does work with being that short. I'm floored by how much emotion you can cram into that small amount of writing. Kudos!
sorry if thats a bit non sensical...but it is an amazing piece!

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Oh, WOW! That was freaking awesome! I loved the theme and it sounded like a story. This is a really cool poem!

Don't worry about the pauses; just make sure that you're comfortable with it and that it matches your writing style! That's really the best advice I can give you. I found it really cool! ^^

Luv,
-Blade and Blood

[Deseret]

i do like this poem it has good word flow, its nice, and it happens smoothely, i also like your figurative language, and even though it was origanally about a vampire i like this way because it seems deeper then a vampire story. although you might want to put something in it about he eventually gave up, because right now you only have the world wearing him down, which granted is a big part of anything but it is not the only part.

i hope this makes sense :)