The Web

something i wanted to speack out about! :) enjoy!

A web, among two twigs on a poison berry bush. It exists a spider, her name was Nicotine. She was a puny spider. However, one of the most baneful and deadliest spiders in the world, and has the most beautiful voice. A fly, the flies name was Population, Population was two days old. He was a horse fly, and he adored life. A wholesome one and he took care of his body. One day, his friends encouraged Population to "Fly near Niceties web." No he would say, but his friends kept on. "Come on, man" "Ya man, I do it all the time!". So, Population, embarks to fly, is hart racing as he gets closer and closer to the poison berry bush. Closer to the two twigs, and decisively to the web. The sunlight beamed as is small eyes gaze upon an impressive, and irresistible web. Where Nicotine is sleeping in the dead center of the web its self. He gets closer. Hoping to God that is buzzing does not disturb her slumber. Closer. When Nicotines eyes opened, all eight of them stared up at him. It startled, Population flies away. As he was flying, she started to sing. Population's hart rose up and his spirit opened, but he still flew away, with the melody in his small head.
 

The next day, Population will see the enchanting web once again, but no voice. He craved her voice again. So beautiful, so memorable, he could not oppose. Without any peer pressure, he gets closer to the forbidden web. This time she was not there but the dead carcasses of his fallen friends perched flawlessly in a row. He flies away, quickly. His thoughts raced, "What happened?" "How did they get stuck in the web?" "That will never happen to me!". Then, Nicotine started to sing once again. Population almost lost control of himself and (inattentively) started to follow the tune. But, half way there he woke up and flew away. "Tomorrow, I shall prove that!".

 

Tomorrow it will come. At night, Population is hovering over the web. More deceased beings in and around the web. "One more time!" he kept babbling. "Just one!". At first look, both Population and Nicotine got anxious. Population flew as fast as he could to the famished spider. He was finally at an eye level with her. She sang, slowly he hovered toward her. "So amazing! So great!" Population thought. He hovered until he was affixed to the fabric. He stares at her, as if she was a mother to him. She spat out a white material out of her Spinneret. He was still drugged, lost in the song as the substance covered his head.

Poor Population. Him and numerous others became a statistic to the mighty spider. Nicotine. 
 
 

Author's Note

tell me what you think!

Reviews

[Lizanne]

What a great way to speak out against smoking in a language that even an adult (just kidding) could understand. I absolutely love this piece. Being a former smoker I know the desire to keep going back and I know just one would hook me again. This really would make a wonderful ad for the campaign against smoking. It is catches the attention and younger children would relate to it. But its appeal would reach all ages. Great writing for a good cause. Your imagination served very well on this work.

[Georgia Gypsy]

Very poignant piece of writing here! speaks volumes and i must agree with Lizanne...i am a former smoker, and still feel the pull every once in awhile....resisting is hard on those days...

great job! :)

[Manyfacets]

It's a clever read, outlining the devastation of substance abuse. It reads like the script of a comedy drama. Amusing, inspiring and imbuing. Smiles M.

[Skelasoldier]

Great anti-smoking story i liked it.

[Free Writer]

That story was so creative how you showed people what happens when they do drugs by using animals instead. The story is true though, so many people are at first pressured to do drugs and once they begin they can't stop themselves even though they say they'll stop; and so many people die from it too. Maybe this story will show people how bad drugs really are.

[The Elder]

A truly unique anti-smoking message.
I enjoyed the read and, with a few spelling, grammar and tense corrections, you have a really good piece.
I am a smoker and I know how difficult it is to resist that particular spider.
Great job.

[Cristiana Anghel]

The metaphore suits your message very well, but I think you could have been more subtile..

[Colin Hough]

Clever. I got a real sense of the desire, the craving. I've never smoked but good God I needed a cigarette afterwards. I felt like I was reading a fairy tale... which is entirely in keeping and I'm sure intentional.
I love the line, "...fallen friends perched flawlessly..."
Short and to the point.

[Justin D]

Wow so i must admit that the way you use a spider in a fly as a way to talk about smoking and people was something i found to be very amusing. The song, the peer pressure, and the dead friends at the end were all very well put into this story and made me want to keep reading more. I definitely liked this peace.