Sunny Days

Part 2 of 4.

Have you ever woke up on the sunniest day of the year,

walk outside and want to put a revolver to your ear,

and end the static living with shallow souls

with holes in their heart

and no connection to part

with.

 

I know the feeling of desperation

when death becomes emancipation

but don't worry about me...

the pain makes me gain

the speed to hitting bottom

quicker than the flicker

of a candle flame

snicker and disappear

 

But what's funny is no amount of money

or funny s**t will ever make me happy,

the goal is beyond the horizon

hiding shrouded and clouded

behind uncomfortable misunderstandings

of not knowing what it's like

to have the soul of a madman

 

schooling, work, a baby, and a wife...

is that what it's supposed to be like

the essence of this life?

 

Well I see the sky and it's sunny

but without a human being with a shred of understanding

of any of these things.  of what it is

to strive to be a god with self destructive means

 

...well...

 

How much can I take before I break?

I shudder at the thought, but laugh at death, invite the pain to stay

and take my last breath

because what's left is me crazily living to be a saint

with scars and a charred shell of a body

because this is not a hobby

it is a passion to feel,

even if the outcome is heartbreak

at least for a moment I was alive.