Once, when Heaven was mine

A poem on a lost and forbidden love

Once, on a summer’s night that was so fine,
I pondered over, what once was mine.
The stars, Heaven itself, were within reach,
And I ignored what others tried to preach.
Now here, completely alone, I sit,
The crime, the crime of love, is to what I admit.
Eternal loneliness is my sentence,
For never shall I show any repentance.
It is something I shall never regret,
And most certainly, something I cannot forget.

Reviews

[I Cast a Shadow]

Almost an ode, this one. Beautiful in its own way and effective in many other ways. I personally have not had a forbidden love and you have let me in on a hint of it. Good write.

[Chris]

Rhyming is a gift... and it needs be coupled with flow and timing. Do you verbalize your work behind your eyes? Read it aloud after a stanza or two? or perhaps when its complete?

I've found reading a work aloud, three times, is a fair way to start. The first time sets the word view, understanding, and the work's flow and timing. The second read enables tonals and rhythm, the personal feel of the content... even the use of a regional accent. The final read... is to my perception of the author's intent.

You've a lot to speak about... and stumbling is REAL when the emotion is so driven its all a person can DO!!!

Take care,
Chris

[Jazz]

Thank you! :) x

[....]

Your last four lines were just plain amazing and wonderful. Such a wonderful flow and rhyme scheme. Love this write.....xo