Walking on Thin Ice

Cracking...

Only so much weight

Can be applied

Before the surface begins to

Crack..

Must be careful

Must tread lightly

For this man's psyche

Is much like this ground

Cracked...

Cracking...

Under the pressure

Too many disappointments

Too many broken promises

Not enough steps forward

Too many steps back

Cracking...

Tired of hiding behind masks

The weight of the world

On his shoulders

Adding to the pressure

Crack...

Broken and beaten

Left and forgotten

This man keeps going

For no other reason

Other than he can't stop

Reviews

[.]

. oh gosh ... you shattered all the glass in my building ... this is brilliant in thought, word and execution ... but most of all ... this is brilliant in spirit ... those last three lines ... in particular ... shall remain etched on my soul forever ...

. let this man go on ... let him be strong ... let him never fall ... let him stand tall ... for he knows the most valuable lesson of them all ... that no man who has the courage to go on ... can ever be small ...

[em]

- brilliant in thought, word, execution and spirit - i agree with serah - in the fragility of our hearts - and in the tenacity of our souls - that's where i think - greatness is born - when we know where and how and why we ache - and when we carry on - because we believe - in light and in tomorrow -
- your writing here - is truly brilliant!!! -

[An owl on the moon]

In a broken world, it is vital to step lightly. You paint a gripping picture of the fragility of life. I've been on that frozen expanse and it is painfully haunting.

[InkSlinger]

I like the repeating sequencing of Crack/Cracking.. you add drama to the piece by making a point of telling us, again and again of the how the weight of the world, and all the consequences that accompany leaves you feeling broken.. hopeless! Rather a brilliant piece of writing, that flows smoothly throughout.. Well done!

[Ashley]

i really liked this

[AlieahRose]

O THIS WAS NICE...
I LIKED THE METAPHORE...
THAT RANG THROUGH THIS PEICE...

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

This can so measure up how a lot of people feel about their life! Great Poem!

[Norma M Sutton]

I like the metaphor you are using in this. Nice.