Tonight (Original Version)

I saw your face tonight,

And I died a little more.

I gave you grace tonight,

I wish without me you'd feel poor.

I saw you smile tonight,

When you let me in the door.

I gave you beauty tonight,

When my heart is still so sore.

I saw you look at me tonight,

Your stare made my heart roar.

I gave you a warm gaze tonight,

For inside your soul I desire to explore.

I saw you linger at my touch tonight,

Do you remember feeling this before?

I gave you something to think of tonight,

For my presence you cannot ignore.

I saw you become nervous tonight,

Some feeling within me it did restore.

I put on my best face tonight,

In hopes that once again I'd be the one you'd fall for.

Reviews

[PaleWriter]

He's got his hooks in you. Nice poem Jillian.

The lines are so clever and perfect with the rhymes jillian i love your work. Is this based on a real muse???

[619girl]

Great write! The last line is longer than the rest, but it works! Great rhyme sheme u have here as well! :)

[deeps]

Wow! This is amazing!
You have talent, i like your style.

[Steve]

mmmm you are good at this.....

[alan khan]

holy s**t. jill you've really really got talent. i'm really not used to reading stuff this good, from writers today. i am very very into your s**t.

[c.m.]

This went straight to my favorites...I absolutey love it.

"I saw you linger at my touch tonight"

Love the phrasing of that; absolutely divine. Very, very good poem.