Blood

off the top of my head

Blood is on the ground

painting the road a wonderful red

its all over the place

Trickling down my face 

all I see is red

as the nurses try to patch me up 

I think I am left for dead

I feel like I am floating around 

and seeing stars around my head

I pass out and all I see is black

"Losing too much blood" they say.

I hear them through my darkness stage

then the dark is covered by red,

my red,rich,beautiful blood. 

Author's Note

super bad, I will take criticism

Reviews

[Eryn ♪]

To be perfectly honest I don't typically work with this kind of poetry. I like the alternating colours of black and red. I like the piece, its just hard for me to find a rhythm

[Night]

...interesting write...the sequel to this would be you...?

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Oh wow, this poem is about as the title is listed---blood! It reminds me a lot of what happened to my daddy last year around July the fourth. All I can remember is seeing him in the hospital, losing a lot of blood, and too weak to speak to any of us. It was harsh for us, though he did make it through with God's miracles. He had five out of seven feet taken out of his colon. So yeah! Your poem flows perfectly in most parts, but there were some parts that lost its flow and rhythm. It made me pause a couple of times to ponder what would sound better on certain lines in your poem. It isn't a bad poem at all. It's descriptive and a topic that's hard for some writers to talk about, such as myself. So cheers and bravo to you, Mystic_Angel!! :)

Mistakes: Did you happen to make the pattern of the first and third stanzas only consisting of three lines and then the other stanzas with four? I was wondering, that's all.

First stanza-last line ---*it's all over the place (use an apostrophe right there)
The first and second sentence of the first stanza are flawless! Perfection! I love it! Great job on that!

Second stanza-Sounds fine.

Third stanza-The first two lines of this stanza flow perfectly, but then when comes the third line it goes dead. I don't know how to change that any.

Fourth stanza-second line
Somehow it'd feel better if it either said:
"I hear their voices through the dark stage" OR
"I hear them through my dark stage" OR
" I hear their voices through the dark stage". There's three different options if you choose to change it. They're my opinions though, some might not agree. It's up to you absolutely.

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG ;)

[Wolfwind]

You've got the description thing really good. With a piece like this, I think I'd like to see some emotion put into it. It's a very visual poem, but it's not eliciting any type of emotional response. I'd like to be able to feel the words, not just see them.

Keep writing! =)
Aaron