Final Seconds

By: Johnny Westbrook

            He lies on the ground, looking up at the starlit sky; thinking of what he just did. Hearing the grass brush together as the wind race between them, he lifted his hand and tried to get a good view at it as his eyesight went out of focus. Beginning to sweat as his body grew cold, he began breathing heavily as his sight continued to blur and dim. Looking to his right as a cloud passed the moon, the moonlight revealed batch of purple flowers swaying from the breeze.

            Closing his eyes, he saw the image of a fist pressed up against a white shirt stained with blood. Watching his vision, he watched as the stain slowly went away and the fist pulled out the knife. The stain was gone, so was the cut where the knife pierced through the shirt. Watching through the eyes of the one in the white shirt, he watched as the person sat up and then stood… in a field of grass and flowers.

            The place seemed familiar to him as he watched through the eyes, but something was different. Something confused him about the place and time. It finally clicked in his head, it was noon, at the same spot he laid now.

            Quickly opening his eyes as he struggled for a gasp of air, he used his left hand to pull up his white bloodstained shirt as the blurriness went away long enough for him to see a piercing hole through it. Feeling something in his right hand, he lifted his hand and saw the same knife from when he closed his eyes.

            As it got harder and harder for him to take a breath, tears ran down his eyes as everything got darker and darker around him. Starting to freeze as his body shivered, he grew more and more tired. Not able to fight it, he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the wind and grass… until it completely stopped.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think of this. Thank you.

Reviews

[KWP]

oh man ... ! So you tellin' me he took his last breath ... ? Surely there was some kind of heroic fair maiden to come and deliver to him the kiss of life ...

Just kidding ... I like your words they are easy to read and follow a good flow ... Only thing I would suggest is to be careful of using the same word too much ... for example 'he' and also words like 'got' could be became in the last paragraph ... I dunno ... that's just what I think anyway ..

I am teaching myself how to write a novel and am editing it now and these non-descriptive words jump out at me and say ARGHHHHHHHH ...

you have fabulous story writing skills xx

[Johnny Westbrook]

Thank you for the review :) and I agree, I have to watch out with using the same words so much. I am also working on a novel and have been editing it along with two friends who love to read and edit my work. Wish you the best of luck on your novel. I hope we both get to publish our work and share them with the masses. :)

[KWP]

beautiful thought my friend ... let me know how you go with your journey... cast away all doubt and write write write for you

[Kuhr Gred]

i like this story :) first in intro :D Great write

[Ben M]

Very good. The last line is very pretty. It leaves a lot open to interpretation, which I quote like. Well done.

[Juliet]

Like it! Keep up the cool work :)

[MoMo]

great story.
i like how u explained the scene.
very clear to understand.
i like the end part. I like how u described his passing: "Not able to fight it, he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the wind and grass... until it completely stopped."

[Holly O'Brien]

Very cool, it was not confusing so I did not get lost as to what was going on. It makes me ask a lot of questions like "who did this to him?" or "where exactly is he?"...but overall...it's a good write ;)