The sound of you eating makes me want to punch you in the face

You stick your hand in the bag and rummage
searching every f*****g nook and cranny for the last few crumbs
You rustle and crinkle like the rest of us are deaf

You pull your hand from the packet, your prize pinched between two fingers

bring it to your mouth and the hair stands on the back of my neck as you bite down
Every crunch and grind of your teeth audible as you chew

I can hear your tongue move the ball of masticated food to the back of your throat
hear the wet slimy gulp as you work the pulpy mass down your gullet
your breath whistling in and out of your nose as you swallow

 

The sound of you eating makes me want to punch you in the face

You reach for another crisp

Reviews

[Guilt]

Haa, I get like this with breathing. Once I notice the way someone's breathing habits I can't stand being im silence with them.

[Jo Todd]

Arrghh, I really hate it when someone is breathing and it whistles through their nose. I feel ya

[A Poet Named Garit]

I like how light-hearted this poem is. It's so innocent in such a violent way, I love it! I feel the same way about my brother when he eats my chips/Oreos.

[Jo Todd]

I really enjoyed writing this, really helped me work off my annoyance. It felt like a good time to write a silly poem

[Shivam Murari]

This is so funny and so relating. I mean, really. This was fun! Nice read! :-)

[Jo Todd]

Thanks, glad you enjoyed, sometimes its the little things in life

[Matt]

I know exactly how you felt and I enjoyed reading that, poetry is the perfect release. It reminds me of a time I was on the bus, the journey seemed so much longer, each crisp getting eaten individually over a long time and each time a crisp was finished another one would appear out of the packet like some kind of magically never ending bag of crisps. I never seem to get that many in a packet. I have since not been so bothered about crisp eating noise now that I know a person that somehow manages to make an amazing amount of noise endlessly just rubbing their fingers together :S

[Luke Rawlings]

Remind me never to get on the bad side of you.. or eat around you, for that matter. An excellent piece, made me laugh and marvel at how something simple can inspire rage. Well done xD

[TLK]

Typo: "puply".

Perhaps we can have a section of the UK where people consume nutriment through IV drips.

[Jo Todd]

Thanks for spotting that, i have corrected the typo

And whilst it would be bliss to have a world where no one chewed I am not unreasonable, maybe just a world where you have a seperate room to go eat in.

[Holly Mason]

I get much from this-
is it that person eating the noises you associate with it or is it just that person that you loathe so much that everything they do grates you
society tends to scarf down now a days but all in a rush all getting home late kids to pick up life to live
but I am leaning more towards my first thoughts
this piece is written with self expression that rocked my mind- enjoyable stance on life
love that dang title- it caught my attention
thank you for sharing

[Jo Todd]

This poem was actually written in a fit of impotent rage over a work collegue who whilst perfectly pleasant insists on sitting in our very quiet office and chowing down and crisps and other grunchy noisy foods. Makes me mad but how can i tell someone that "the sound of them eating makes me want to punch them in the face". So in a pique of passive aggressiveness i write a poem instead.

[Mother Maggie]

Well written and I sympathize. People these days tend to skarf their food and to talk on their cellphones, with no regard for the sensitivities of others. Courtesy and politeness is gone to be replaced by skanks and cads spewing their potato chip crumbs and disgusting banter (usually about who they would like to do or get done by) all over the social landscape. Just once, I would like to sit in the park or ride the bus and not hear about what a tasty treat some skank thinks that some cad is.

Wonderful poem--sorry it got me up on my soapbox.


Bravo

[Jo Todd]

No problem, this poem is my soapbox and if it has inspired you to get on yours than i say a job well done. Im glad to know im not the only one driven to anger by the slurp and chomp of open mouthed mastication. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts.