stfu

Sit and listen in rapture as I attempt to capture your attention with my lyrical rhapsody
mouths shut, all eyes on me please
no distractions as I spill these words that bleed, my thoughts and actions in the lines that you read

 

No hope left as I choke out my emotions in this prose
all those who have come before me? I'm hurt worse than those
Your pain cannot compare to mine, and let me explain why
when these same words have been used a thousand times
just rearranged in someone else's rhyme

 

I will spin these words into a new form that has never been heard
turn round and flip all those suffering the bird
cos they cannot begin to understand the depth of my work

its more than anguish dripping from my every verse

 

Its your pity I want, your love and adoration
I want you awed by my poetic masturbation
This is more than self flagellation its a blatant bid for your adulation

 

My outpourings more than just life's lesson, more than a story about childhood repression
sit patient as I feign manic depression whilst really its just an expression
of my need to be noticed, I hope this wont miss the mark
just me trying to prove i'm all emotional and dark

 

So here's my take on the bleeding heart poetry,
get ready to grab your ankles and call me daddy cos i am gunna f**k you up emotionally
and maybe a little bit anally but anyway do I have your attention
you liking my rhythmic variation? bit different from what's produced by most the nation
Hop aboard as i pull into the "im fucked up" railway station

 

Or leave it behind and go find something worth reading
stop writing this s**t, i could write it whilst sleeping
im not doing a good job of getting across my meaning
what im trying to say is the whole world is screaming
and the only sound we can hear is the sound of our own voices
stop being a sheep go make your own choices

Author's Note

Not sure if complete, may need adding to. Also not sure about the title, any suggestions?

Reviews

[Baby Ricochet]

Good rant. Outstanding work

[Jo Todd]

Thankyou, hope you enjoyed it

[Shivam Murari]

Ok an angry rant! And yes they capture me as well as my teacher captures my attention in the class. It is difficult to put your anger into words, but you have done them perfectly, Nice read :)

[Jo Todd]

Thankyou glad you like it, hope my meaning comes across, I worry it will get lost in translation so to speak

[Luke Rawlings]

I was present at the construction of this o/

Read aloud in an angry voice, as this piece goes very well. The styling I love, some of the lines defintely pack the punch that you intend with this piece. A brilliant flow, I still think it sounds a little like Mike Shinoda rapping. A good piece, well done :)

[Troy Henson]

Hi Jo. I'm hi outed that after reading 'Take the Last Dance' you were able to produce this piece. It's great and I love the rhythmic styling. You say this is the first attempt at writing like this?? Have another go if you can find the right topic. You have some really good flow in this piece and imagery is good too. It has depth and anger which written in this style and context do well. In addition you kept the tone on an even level which I enjoyed.
If I could assist in a review and edit please let me know as I can see some areas that could do with some added words.
Also take a look at one of my pieces called 'Epiphany' and see what you think of that one.
Hope my comments help.

Well done
Regards

[Jo Todd]

Hi thanks for stopping by, sorry it has taken me so long to reply I have been away.
Feel free to review it as I am always looking to improve and changes are welcome.
I will go take a sneaky peek at you Epiphany Piece.