Inner War

Sometimes reality scares me so much I take myself away from it, I pack my bags and live inside my mind. In here I can control almost everything, I can be at peace, I can be at war, I can do whatever I want. Whenever something is out of my reach to deal with, I resort back into my mind, I make myself believe everything will be okay when In reality everything is going to hell. I became to accustomed to living inside my mind, I just wanted to fool myself into thinking I was gonna be alright, that the girl of my dreams would accept me, that I was gonna be a rich man. But in reality I knew none of that was possible. Reality is a scary place, sure there are times where I enjoy it, I had plenty of great moments here but I had a lot more horror and pain. My own mind is my safe place but at the same time its my greatest enemy, sometimes I can't control what I think, my thoughts just keep going and going like a never ending train, and the longer it gets, the stronger the pain. My mind has its sunny days but also has its rain, sometimes I think happy thoughts, but sometimes I think about dark, evil, mischievous things. To be honest, I would be better as a bad person than good, but I would never come to that. I can picture myself being a criminal doing evil things and getting away with it, but I fight that urge, I fight it with all my might so that I never become that man. I just feel as if life is one long battle with yourself, and hopefully the good in you wins because the world needs that. I've done very bad things, I let that evil in me win the battle but not the war. There are times where evil will win the battle and dominate for a while but that's just being human. Don't ever let it win the war because you will never come back. Your mind can be a cruel but beautiful thing, we all know whats right from whats wrong but we still choose to do wrong because it makes us feel good, makes us feel alive, it gives us that feeling of adrenaline and I admit I love that feeling. But I can't go back to that, that's not me, I told myself I will win this war, the good in me is destroying this evil, I feel it leaving my mind, I remain strong so I can show people in this world that there is still hope in humanity. I'm fighting my inner demons, fighting that inner war, and I ask myself "can I take much more?" How many sleepless nights, how many endless questions, how much more can I take? Am I on the brink of insanity? No one knows how much I tear myself apart, no one knows the damage in my heart. I tell myself, "I'm worth something," "I'm a good person," " I am worth living." But sometimes I hear the voices in my mind deny this, it tells me no one cares that I'm a terrible person, and that all I'm doing is wasting air. No! people care about negativity nobody wants that around them, people want positive vibes and I bring that wherever I go and will continue to do so. Inner demons, Inner war, I am in the middle of it all, I pull myself together, and I promise myself that I will never fall.