A Very Bad Day

This is a short story I wrote back in grade 11, it is fictional in some parts, but some are non-fictional. The teacher didn't like it but I hope you all like it.

Waking up in the morning and getting ready for school. It was an ordinary day so far, I got on the bus and went to school. Went to class had lunch, Then got on the school bus to go home.
I sat on the bus alone as always listening to everyone around me socialize. I quietly stared out the window watching the trees go by like blurs just waiting to get home, but unaware of the nightmare about to unfold.
My stop was the first one, I stood up and walked to the front of the bus and out of the door. I walked up the driveway and seen Max and Randall, my two dogs running at me. Liam wasn’t outside, I knew something was going on.
Grabbed both dogs by the collar and pulled them both inside, I dropped my bag and took of my coat. I didn’t hear anything, the television, nothing, but my mom and Liam’s shoes were still at the door. I walked out into the living room. Liam and my mom were passed out with beer bottles scattered over the floor. I knew they spilled some of it because there was a strong smell in the room. I didn’t bother waking either of them, I didn’t want to be bothered by them.
I walked into my room and put my bag in my closet, only because my room is big enough to pull out the bed from the couch. I walked out of my room back into the living room. Liam was sitting up now, he was looking at me weirdly.

”Why didn’t you wake one of us up John?” Liam slurred.

“Because I didn’t think it was a big deal and I didn’t want to be bothered right now,” I replied in a smart aleck kind of tone.

“I don’t care what you want, all I care about is you obeying what I tell you to do,” Liam slurred as he staggered over to me.

“You are not my mother or father, I don’t have to answer to you or even do what you tell me,” I said, getting angry.

Liam threw his fist at me, he wasn’t even close enough to come close to hitting me. He missed and fell to the ground. I knew he was just passed out, nothing to worry about.
Except for the fact that Liam’s two kids Tyler and Jesse’s bus just arrived at the end of the driveway. I watched them get off the bus and start walking up the driveway. I knew as soon as they walked in through the door and seen Liam on the ground sleeping, they’ll think he’s dead. I acted fast, I ran over to Liam and picked him up off the ground. It took a lot of strength, Liam might be shorter, but he isn’t lighter than I am. I struggled to carry him across the living room over to the couch. I just laid him down on the couch as Tyler and Jesse walked through the door.

“Dad, dad, we’re home,” They both yelled.

“Shut up, you’ll wake him and my mom up,” I whispered angrily.

“We don’t care,” They shouted and ran by me.

They ran up to Liam and woke him up, then to my mom. Liam sat up and my mom got angry at the two kids and pushed them away. Liam got angry, he stood up and walked over to my mom.

“Don’t ever treat my kids like that,” Liam said as he raised his fist over my mom.

I raced over to Liam. I wrapped my arm around his throat and started choking him. “You ever touch my mother and I swear to god you’ll regret it.”

I threw Liam away from my mom and faced him, I knew Liam was angry. He always was when I was there to protect my mom. I think Liam sobered up a little because he was able to walk a little more proper and speak clearly.

“Your mom never treats my kids with any respect,” Liam said as he walked towards me.

“That’s because they never treat her with any respect.” I argued.

Liam was angry. He started walking a little faster and clenched his hands into fists. I got ready and took a swing at him. Liam didn’t move fast enough, so I punched him in the face and he fell backwards and to the ground.
Tyler and Jesse heard the thud from there room, they ran out and seen Liam on the ground and me over top of him with ready to hit him again. They ran over to me and started pounding my thighs. I turned and pushed them to the ground. Then I ran for the back door where my coat was. Luckily I came in through the back door and my shoes were there to. I slipped on my coat and my shoes and ran out the door. Since I lived in the country part of Thunder bay my backyard was forest. I knew my way around there cause I would have friends over to play man hunt and games like that. So I knew my way around there quite well.
I knew Liam, Tyler, Jesse, or my mom knew there way around there. I looked back at the door, it was opening. Soon after Liam stepped out with his boots and coat on to chase after me. I turned and ran into the forest. It was the middle of winter and a lot of snow, but I could move quicker in my shoes than with snow boots. I ran, jumped over fallen logs, and ducked under low branches.
I couldn’t hear Liam anymore. I must of lost him, I stopped and looked around. I couldn’t see him anywhere either. I found a tree close by with branches low enough so I could climb up, I waited there until Liam came walking by. I waited for at least a few minutes before Liam came staggering by. As soon as he walked by I carefully started to climb out of the tree, when one of the branches snapped from under me and I fell the rest of the way, hitting almost every branch I climbed up on. I hit the ground and heard a snap.
One of my bones broke I couldn’t feel much so I didn’t really know which one it was. I stood up, but the pain was unbearable in my right leg. So I found out what was broken. I could hear Liam walking back to investigate the sound. I couldn’t move a quickly as I did running in here, but I could still move.
So I limped as fast as I could, then I found a stick that was strong enough to hold my weight. I picked it up and used it as a walking stick and was able to move a bit faster. It took me longer to get out of the forest but I was able to manage it. I got inside and found the phone on the kitchen table. I grabbed it as I fell to the ground. I pressed the talk button and dialled 911. An operator started to speak to me. I asked for an ambulance and told her my situation and the address.
She told me that the paramedics would be there right away and I hung up. The ambulance was quick, they were there before Liam made it out of the forest. The paramedics rushed in and placed me on a stretcher and ran me into the ambulance where they drove off down the street.
A few hours later I was in a hospital bed with more then a broken leg. They found out that I broke a lot more. To sum it all up, I was practically in a body cast.
I might be in pain right now, but at least I don’t have to go home for a few weeks.

Author's Note

I haven't really looked over this in a really long time so I don't remember if there are any spelling errors and I'm in the middle of class right now so I don't have time to edit it at the moment. So if you do find anything wrong with it please tell me so I can change it as soon as possible.

Reviews

[Malik Amandla]

I think it is a decent start for a story, all of the action and dialouge is realistic and believable. The weakest part of the story is the lack of descriptions. If the reader knew more about the characters, the reader might connect to them more and sympathise with the characters.