His Name Was a Gentle Breeze

Tears fall helplessly to the ground.

There's no stopping the river

Which has begun to flow.

The salty streaks soak her cheeks

Leaving wet trails of memories.

 

His name was a gentle whisper,

As soft as a cool breeze.

It was so comforting and so loving...

 

But soon the gentle breeze

Stopped blowing,

Or perhaps it just moved on.

I called for him, but to no avail -

He was no longer at my side...

 

I stand here alone,

My heart battered and bruised.

Tears fall helplessly to the ground.

There's no stopping the river

Which has begun to flow.

All I want is him.

He's my everything...

 

Copyright©JosieWentzel2005

 

Reviews

[Misa]

This has a very mature feeling to it - love the imagery of salty streaks on her cheeks, and the river-tears, tho it may be somewhat over done. Invoking the ground aspect though makes it a tiny bit more original, which l think makes it work better. One thing l would consider for a moment is adding one or two lines to the 2nd stanza, to express what your love was like - would even out the strength of the poem, which to me is fairly strong through out.
Just a thought though.
~misa