The End of My Soul

I made a huge decision in my life yesterday: I no longer want to be among the living.  It hurts so much to be a part of this “race” and still be isolated and oh so alone.  I know that I am the one (a lot of the time) who isolates myself, but what do you expect when throughout my life I have been shoved out of any “social gatherings”.  I’ve never been welcome anywhere.  Why would it be different now?  I just wish I knew what it is about me that people don’t seem to like.  Why am I treated like a disease (although some people would prefer the disease to me)?  I’ve come to terms with not having friends and not being liked, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.  Obviously part of me still yearns for that ‘connection’ and that ‘appreciation’…

 

Then there’s that ‘myth’ – Love.  God, I hate it!  It destroys even the strongest-willed person.  But once again, it’s something we all still long for; spend our life-times searching for.  Why?  What is it about this fallacy that keeps us believing that one day we will find it?  Why do we remain so naive and utterly stupid?

What is it about this particular man in my life?  Why did he come into my life if he’s just staying out of it?  Why did I even try my luck with him in the first place?  Was there ever anything there to suggest that I stood a chance?

 

Copyright©JosieWentzel26October2007

 

Author's Note

Just a piece I found from my rantings last year...

Reviews

[Constance]

A part of your feelings then were just in being young. I can remember plainly the "feeling like a disease" and wondering what people didn't like about me. In youth, we are all more self centered, and therefore insecure. The older you get, the more those feelings go away.
This is honest, and well expressed. Thank you for sharing.