The Event

An odd poem that I am looking for help with...

I ran into a
wall cloud. (I think
I broke it open.)

A leak sprang
from the bottom.
It fell upon a farmhouse

spread across
an open field -
a mile wide


swallowing the
field in one
gulp

and tossed golf
balls from the top.
(Like snow in August)

There were

no

survivors.

Author's Note

This is a poem I penned quickly. I am not sure if I like it. What do you think?

Reviews

[Nobody.]

are you kidding me? this is brilliant . . .

in my humble opinion
poetry should not always run in a straight line down an approved logical path.
sometimes it's good to go to a strange and cerebral domain and toss images around just to see where they land.

in my mind,
the images here evoke a feeling of a mistake turning into the disaster of the highest order.

I don't usually give such direct suggestions, but I think that second line would be better if it read: "wall of cloud"

great write man.
I truly enjoyed.

[HopeOrHorror]

There is a lightness it seems throughout; starting with the child-like, guiltless admission of "I think I broke it open" until the straight-faced-news-anchor end of "There were no survivors."
For me, there is also a certain difficulty in creating a solid mental image that I really find slightly annoying in an enjoyable way. Like staring at a picture that never quite comes into focus.

[Emunah June.]

This is not only thought-provoking, but it's creative too. :3 I lurve it!

[.]

I dont really understand it. Like walking into someone else's dream...but it's interesting..

[Tate Morgan]

Now that made me laugh as i envision it

[Jessica Harmony]

I don't get why a farmhouse is there but the feeling it gives off is interesting. :)

p.s. i like the first stanza a lot.

[koty bell]

pretty random but just as enjoyable

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

as one who prefers the surreal to the concrete~ the enigmatic to the obvious~ I find myself completely captivated by the imagery and the undertones of metaphorical possibilities~